Three weeks ago today was the last day of a terrible bout of ROCD that was seriously driving me crazy. I had decided to move in with my bf but the decision felt rushed. Whilst we wanted to live together for a while, we were struggling after a trip that was a bit of a disaster. But the right house came knocking at our doors and a decision was due. So I said yes. In sheer panic. The panic didn’t go away, for weeks I just kept going, having panic attacks here and there, questioning everything about him, us, myself, my mind. I went to see a new therapist who focuses on ocd and she told me not to break things up before I tamed my symptoms. I resisted going there again because I was afraid she would brainwash me into loving a man I actually didn’t love. Or did I? To be honest, at that time I couldn’t have loved him, I could barely go to work and act normal. Then one afternoon I felt really drained, I said to my regular therapist (who isn’t helping much) that I felt wronged. I have been working on myself for years now, been more miserable than I honestly deserved, rebuilt myself after a horrible childhood and whilst my friends have savings I have thrown my money at therapists and physiotherapists (cause bad childhoods give you bad physical health too) and yet I don’t get peace, every once in a while I am back where I was, deep down, in the very dark desperate beginning. Before this monologue of self-pity and rage she had asked how had I moved on from the loops in the past. And I told her I have no idea. Funny how I overanalyse pointless stuff and can write an essay counteracting each argument for and against my current relationship, but have no clue how I’ve managed to get sanity on my side again. All I know is the next day I laughed again and I’m okay with my relationship now. Can you help me think about this? What are your experiences? I know I’m not free from this, I’d like to manage it better the next round