Its like on the surface im sober. Im going through sober motions. I know that theres really not any life without sobriety, and I have a way of life I want to achieve. But all that just feels super shallow.

To be honest, at my core I mainly feel like I want to shoot up heroin and take benzos and just vibe alone in my room. Its like I feel like I’ll be able to get a couple years clean again, but the longevity is hard to see. I have accountability in place right now, but its like without that I just feel it’s inevitable Id be high right now for sure.

Im pretty fresh off a relapse so I know im just goin through the mental parts of cleanin up again, idk just need to air this shit out.