My DOC were alcohol/amphetamines but since I’ve been sober [for seven months] I’ve been obsessed with doing opiates. I have done prescription opiates but not since I was 17, so almost ten years ago.

Idk how to say what I wanna say but it’s just a constant obsession. I passed a couple of people shooting on my way to work a few weeks ago and it took a lot of willpower to not try and get something from them. I woke up today and have spent the last two hours looking up regulations and shit trying to see exactly how I’d game a doctor for a script.

I’m in therapy [with someone who specializes in addiction and trauma] and in AA. I was in NA until I started smoking weed again. Idk what to do at this point, it feels like when I say “hey guys all I think about is trying heroin” no one seems to take it seriously. And it’s getting harder to white knuckle through it. I could go to a meeting but it just never seems to give me any relief.