Me: Weird, goofy, nerdy, neurospicy weirdo who likes to have something in my mouth that makes someone else groan, squirm, and wiggle. I cannot host. Do not ask me. I'm nonbinary and absolutely trans friendly. You don't need to describe yourself as trans. Just tell me how you want me to refer to you. Respect is important. So are showers.
You: 21-40; also weird, goofy, nerdy, preferably someone who understands kinks and doesn't have a hang-up on body type, dick length, or whatever. I don't. My hangups are smell and taste. Please shower. If you smoke, that's fine. I like a good cigar or a nice blunt as much as anyone else. I also love your pets, and chances are if you have a pet I will 1,000% dote on that lil' cutie the entire time.
Guys: Please don't msg me with "hi." Tell me about yourself, where you are, pretend that you're talking to a human being that can't parse what "hi" means. If you're planning on inviting me to your place, don't expect a blowjob until we at least get to know one another. If you do invite me over, make sure your place doesn't look like I'll get an infection just walking through the door. I've seen some very gross places. The fact this section is longer than the others should hint at what's going on. Also, please shower. Did I mention shower? Shower. Damn it.
Ladies: I do not, at all, care what you look like. I love women, and I don't mean sexually. I actually prefer guys here, but I absolutely do love going down on a woman because I think it's important to do that. Women are amazing. If you don't want to give me a blowjob, that's fine. If you don't want me to do something, that's also fine. Ya'll have so much more bullshit to deal with it's not funny, and I don't want to contribute to that bullshit.
Thank you. Also, please shower.
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