Secondary warning...this is my perv account. My unfiltered id, and hopefully one where friends and family won't recognize me in real life. Read on, intrepid reader, and I'm happy to share pics if you're into the weird, hot mess that I am.

I recently celebrated the last year of my 40's, and I'm living in it now. Having spent the majority of The Plague as a single guy, I signed up on some of the apps and discovered that they weren't quite working for me as well as they did when I was in my 30's, so I figured I'd try here. Seems like a pretty good idea, right? I mean, I can write a little more, maybe make you blow some air out your nose, and who knows...maybe even elicit a message from one or two amazing women with questionable taste and flexible morals!

Let's start with some backstory. I'm twice divorced, the first marriage resulting in a daughter who's now a fully grown legal-type-person. The marriage ended because she had mental health issues that she denied, and refused therapy for, and wouldn't proactively participate in marriage counselling. The second marriage...well, it was a good one, but she wanted a baby and I wanted a vasectomy. I'll take the blame for part of it as well, as I wasn't great with money or holding down a decent job.

Fast forward a decade, and I'm doing quite well for myself. I'm employed in a field I enjoy, being paid well above average in my industry. I even have all the accoutrements of a real live adult like an instant pot, a decently stocked bar, and an electric car.

During the plague I found myself single again. Amicable breakup, just two people moving in different directions and unable to meet meaningfully in the middle. I moved from Vancouver to Kelowna to pursue my career, only to find out that I missed the southwest coast of BC...so I moved back, but to Victoria this time. I was offered a significant raise when I was headhunted, and that's increased over the last two years with the company. I'm not mentioning my earnings to brag, only to note that I'm financially stable, independent, and unable to live my dream of a cabin in the woods or living and travelling on a boat in the foreseeable future.

That brings us to present day me. I'm greying, which isn't so bad. The guy in the mirror actually suits it! While the hair in my beard and on my head used to be a darker red, it's now a fun mixture of cinnamon and sugar. The lines around my eyes show that I smile easy and often, taking the opportunity to laugh at misfortune for a moment before puzzling out a way of turning it into a learning experience, or a great story over cocktails. There's a few extra pounds around my midsection, showing that I have both a distain for my own cooking and order out semi-regularly, and that I enjoy indulging myself from time to time. I'm trying to get out and wander about a bit more, but I've always found solo adventures to be harder than doing stuff with friends or partners. Since I moved twice in the last short while, I don't really know many people in this city, but I'm working on that. Making new pals as an adult is kinda like herding cats.

Need a handy guy? I can do that! I've lived in the middle of a city, and on a farm. I've learned to use most tools, and I've got quite a collection of goodies that allow me to fix most things around the house. I'm going to get back into woodworking again soon, and I'm looking forward to building new shelving for all my plants.

Over several relationships, I've discovered an affinity for polyamory. Not in the sense that I want to be shagging multiple people, or that I need to install a revolving door in my bedroom, but more towards the idea that it's quite possible, maybe even preferable, to have several meaningful relationships at the same time. Isn't it weird that we have a certain invisible line between friendships and partners? The only thing that's changed is that we've displayed more physical affection for one and not the other. I'm finding that more people seem to be gravitating towards that, as we lose our conservative views on what makes a "proper" relationship.

If you didn't nope out after reading the poly part of this essay, then let me run through some of the other things that might be dealbreakers for a potential partner, and ones that eliminate some folks from my list:

• After losing some hearing while working as a DJ for a decade, I wear hearing aids now. Subtle ones, but they're there. I can still hear without them, but I'm going to ask you to repeat yourself.
• I'm overweight. At 5'9 (and change) and about 210 lbs, I'm about 30lbs from where I'd like to be. This means that I'm going to want to go for walks with you, and in the upcoming spring/summer I think I'd like to learn to paddleboard.
• I've been known to kill an evening gaming. I'll usually choose going out and doing things with real life people, but occasionally it's nice to just slip into an imaginary world, strap on a different persona and lose yourself in it for a while.
• Depending on who you ask, I range from medium-ugly to handsome. I guess it's all subjective, so I'll happily send pictures if we chat. I promise that at no point in my life did I ever guard a bridge or harass goats.
• I mentioned "flexible morals" in the first paragraph, so I should elaborate on that. I'm no stranger to love. You know the rules, and so do I. I'm also no stranger to loving more than one person at a time, and I'm open to that sort of thing if my partner is as well. There'll never be any pressure for that sort of thing, but I may suggest it once or twice. I'm also suggestable as hell if you happen to have any fun ideas.

As far as my red flags go:

• Unfortunately, I don't date single parents with younger kids. If they're grown enough that you're able to get away for a weekend, or have the occasional late night or sleepover, that works!
• I don't care what you do for work, or how much you make, but I do care that you're able to support yourself. It doesn't matter to me if you have a car or not, but you should be able to reliably meet somewhere when you say you will. I like driving, and most times I'll offer to pick you up if we're going somewhere, but there may be times when I'm not able to. I love to help out, I just don't like being used.

But what about green flags? Here's the things I love to see in people:

• Humour. Dark, light, political...all things can be laughed at if they're framed the right way.
• Sense of adventure. Do you turn down new adventures, or do you "yes, and..." them?
• Curiosity. It's nice to see someone who doesn't believe that they know everything and who remains open to seeing things from other perspectives.
• Egalitarian. Don't make me do all the labour in the relationship. Did I suggest the last thing we did? Take a turn and suggest the next thing. I don't always want to split the cheque, but maybe sometimes you pick up the bill. Show me that you're just as invested as I am.
• Joie de vivre. I get it, we're all adults with adulty jobs and responsibilities, but sometimes it's just nice to say "Let's get in the car and drive that way until we see something interesting!", all while singing along to 80's and 90's pop tunes.
• Active conversation. I can't count the amount of times where I've felt I had to steer the conversation. Ask questions or bring up things to talk about. Even pondering out thought experiments can be fun if approached with gusto.

If you made it this far, then let me close by saying that I don't believe in "other halves" when it comes to partners. I think you should be whole before you let others into your life. So, if I'm a nice, warm scone in this scenario...maybe you could be the butter and marmalade that makes it even better?