I’m realizing that a good portion of my being a homebody or having mild social anxiety is the fact that I just don’t identify with a lot of social norms. Most small talk I encounter is about having kids, playing golf, sports or generally being an extrovert. Attending large social functions. Marriage. What kind of car you are looking to buy. What mortgage rate you got and how much equity you have.

None of those things really interest me.

I feel like a lot of my life was spent quietly adhering to those Norms and I’m just burnt out on it.

I’m a homebody. It doesn’t bother me. I’m honestly tired of pretending. I like being alone a lot. I would hope to meet someone that I can get out and do things with but I am naturally a homebody. Unless I like your company. Then I’m down to go just about anywhere with you.

I’m 40, single (divorced). Child free. Non religious. 5’10.5”, 189lbs. Liberal. Pro choice. Ethnically ambiguous ( Latino but people always guess totally different). INFJ. Virgo. (I don’t put too much stock in that type of compatibility though). I’m happy to send a pic if you send one in your reply.

I feel like I got married because of some weird societal norm that said it was the right time. And I feel like I subconsciously told myself it was the right time even though it wasn’t. I don’t feel like I settled for my ex. She was a really nice person, we just didn’t work. But after spending a lot of my youth not fitting in to those Norms, I finally had a good job and decent income and felt like an adult. I feel like I thought to myself: ok I got a new car. I can buy things I want. I am doing ok. Better than a lot of people here. What’s next?

But here I am, 40 years old. No interest in golf or football/basketball/baseball. No interest in kids. No interest in fancy cars. And I just feel like I have less and less in common with those people. Especially since in conversation, a lot of them say things that make me feel like they voted for trump. It’s insane the amount of people that did it because they thought it would make them money.

Ok so I’m a creative type. What about hanging out with artists and musicians and such.

It’s the opposite problem. I remember showing up to a friends gig and someone making a comment about my work clothes. Like I’m sorry I wear a blazer to work. I work in a professional environment with some high end clients occasionally. And I didn’t want to be late for the show because I wanted to change.

And I’m just not part of the woke] crowd. I don’t dislike them, they’re nice people and their intentions are great. But the level of sensitivity. The level of near puritanical rules. The need to label everything and getting so upset that someone doesn’t basically speak the same language. I just can’t identify with it. It doesn’t seem free or open minded. It seems the exact opposite. Being upset that someone used the wrong pronoun seems as arrogant as expecting to remember your name.

There has to be a middle ground. People that are open and accepting of d etymon’s yet aren’t puritanical in their beliefs.

Mildly successful people that don’t dream of a nuclear family, or care about gender roles or how big your car is.

Highly intelligent and attractive people that don’t base their self worth on who they are with or what they have? Sign me up! If they’re out there.

I don’t need to date. Truth be told, I’m doing this to meet potentially great people. That takes a LONG time to figure out. I have talked with quite a few very cool people here and plan on continuing to chat with as many as possible to determine who I may be long term compatible with. Please don’t be offended by that. I feel you should be doing the same. That idea made me uncomfortable in my youth. That someone wouldn’t be so interested in me that they wouldn’t cease all communication with other potential suiters. But nowadays I’d rather have zero pressure. And I’d rather make a wise decision about who I met into my life.

So yeah, if you’re like minded in your approach, feel free to drop me a line. I would like to see a picture of you at some point. I would send one back as well. I do value attractiveness. I don’t care if you’re conventionally pretty and I don’t care if my friends or peers think you’re pretty. But I do have to be attracted to you.