One time, several years past the last time we talked, my old college roommate mailed me a card. She wrote my full name and "You are clever, poignant, and witty" with a brush and ink. That was it. I don't know how to agree with her humbly.

🌤️⬇️ About Me ⬇️🌤️

⚓️ I'm a Newport News native, went to CNU and ODU for undergrad (I dropped out my senior year), spent a few years out in PDX, and been back about 8 years. 

🐶 I have an 11-year-old puppy named Sally, after "Lay Down Sally" by Eric Clapton.

😶‍🌫️ I am California sober and a weed nerd. I will show you the world.

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 I love singer-songwriter/multi-instrumentalist/producer/composer/artist/author/critical darling Sufjan Stevens more than I love my family. (That's not true. I love him a lot more than I love my family. (Still a lie, I really do love my family a lot. (Ok, maybe not my brother.)))

🐰 Rabbits are more than my favorite animal. Rabbits are sacred.

🚘 I love traveling for cultural events! Concerts, festivals, plays, symphonies, ballets! I go on actual adventures (very few involve hiking, but I would like to change that).

🏛️ I love museums. Art is everything. I would say the most awe inspiring museum I’ve been to is the Cairo Museum. It’s crazy, they just have artifacts everywhere; at the time, most weren't even behind glass, it was incredible. I got to see King Tut, that was humbling.

🥲 Though I cry way too damn easily, I am emotionally mature and wise.

🏳️‍🌈 As a disabled, chronically ill, Latin, atheist, queer, childfree woman, I have been made political whether I (or you) like it or not. My life radicalized me. What radicalized you?

🗣️ I love Talking Heads. The ultimate workout is just do everything David Byrne does in Stop Making Sense until you die about 2 minutes into "Making Flippy Floppy".

🧟‍♂️ Frankenstein is my second favorite book. I don't read many novels these days, I can't focus, but books are everything. They are our most powerful weapon.

😻 I love the people I love a lot.

🌟 I like to dress up and go to events.

💟⬇️ Now about you ⬇️💟

🍚 You have celiacs or are willing to go gluten free if you want me to kiss you.

👥 You love the concept of being alone together.

🥷 You know good places to smoke a joint in Williamsburg and/or Norfolk.

🥰 You are not only kind, but purposefully anti-racist, anti-fascist, and anti-misogyny.

🎨 You are artsy in some way. Musician? Super hot.

😊 You are cute.

🎭 You are cultured, well-read, and well-rounded, also well-versed in the Simpsons.

🐾 You are an animal lover, but understand I really hate spiders.

☎️ You are a good conversationalist.

🤔 You are thoughtful in all things from words to presents to planning and beyond.

🍬 You are sweet.

🧛🏻‍♂️ You might be a vampire or you may just be Kayvan Novak.

👎⬇️ Dealbreakers ⬇️👎

🙅‍♀️ Childfree, no exceptions.

🚭 Absolutely no smoking cigarettes or other tobacco use, including blunts. Life-long nonsmoker preferred. How in 2025 can you still be a smoker? That shit kills you and smells awful.

🦷 You must have impeccable oral hygiene.

🩻 You willingly see a therapist, go to the doctor and dentist regularly, and your health is important to you. That’s not code for being a hypochondriac or a fitness nut or anything else in between. I simply mean you proactively care for your mental and physical health, and I won’t have to fight you to take medicine when you’re sick.

💸 You're good with whatever you have. Shit's about to get real with the economy.

🌳  If you don’t use cannabis regularly, I’m not interested. I want someone I can sesh and discuss with. Happy entwife, happy ent life.

❌ No f*scists or M*G* or Tr*mpers or c*nservatives or l*bertarians or apoliticals.

🌎 You have a passport.

🚷 No long distance. 

💬 If you respond to this with no effort, I won't respond at all.

^{“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”}