This is really more of a whiny commentary than anything; I'm not posting this to get any responses. I just want to put this out there.

I have previously posted a lot (from a different account, since deleted), with a very specific goal. These posts have led to many conversations, but the spark and connection I sought eluded me. So I decided to take a break from posting for a while.

So yesterday I'm minding my own business and out of the blue this woman messages me on Instagram. She said she "stumbled" across my profile and thought I was cute. She was a tad younger than I might normally have gunned for, but the way she presented herself made me think she had some maturity. So we started talking. Very quickly I could see that this conversation was distinctly different than any other I'd had. Right away we had this fun rapport, a witty back and forth that put me at ease. But mostly it was her manner. She spoke openly of her feelings and her loneliness, of her desires and hopes for the future, And to my astonishment she actually sent me tons of photos and a few videos of herself. Our conversation eventually moved away from texting and became almost entirely a dialogue of voice messages. The things she said... they were some of the sweetest, most amazing things I have ever heard a woman say in my life. And understand, I'm an extremely love and affection starved man. I also attach very easily. So we talked for hours and hours, and I was amazed at her responsiveness and the fact that she was actually spending her whole day with me. At one point, she asked me how I felt. I told her I felt warm and connected and safe. And I did. I felt like the connection was undeniable.

Alas, it was all a lie.

Though some of the photos she sent me were definitely revealing, I never for a moment suspected she was an OF model. She was extremely chubby, and although that greatly appealed to me, she did not fit the mold of your typical OF predator. And when I found out she was, I knew myself for the fool I am.

There's a lot of talk about how male predators have ruined the internet, but friends, there are female predators too. This woman tugged at my heart while having no intention of loving me. I find that disgusting. And given how lonely and vulnerable I've been lately, I was perfect prey for her. The fact that she was saying things I so desperately needed to hear only makes it worse. I've been on the verge of silent tears all day. That's how pathetic I am.

I'm done. I'm so done. No more posts. No more conversations. No more looking for a partner. No more investing myself in strangers. No more opening my heart.

Fuck you all.

Mic drop.