Are you emotionally available? What's your love language? Do you know your MBTI? Do you know your Harry Potter house (this is very important)? Can you handle profanity? Do you think Oswald acted alone? Can you groove with old school men? Do you think the toilet lid should be up or down? I'm sure you've got wounds; but can you talk about them? Do you think UFOs are aliens? Can you deal with a man who's got Jedi and Sith traits? Do you even like Star Wars? Are you a homebody? Do you snore? What does the word "commitment" mean to you? Are you kind, and loving, and gentle? Do you know how to receive love? Do you know how to give it? What are your thoughts on the Grateful Dead? Do you have tattoos? What's the last book you read? Could you cohabitate with an extreme introverted hermit? Cats or dogs? How do you take your coffee? Do you use weed? How tall are you? Are you on the heavier side and could appreciate a man who hopes you say yes? Would you take a very toughened man with a sweet soft spot for his lady? Would take a man who smells like pipe tobacco and cologne? Would let me cook for you? Would you cook for me? What side of the bed do you sleep on? What are your thoughts on eccentric men? Would you be turned off by a man with a very strong and established sexual fetish? Could I count on you to assist me with my back pain? Would you let me massage you? Are you clingy? Please be clingy. I need that. Are you afraid of affection? What's your stance on kids? Do you believe in God? I don't. Would you be good to me? Would you tend to me as I tend to you? What's your policy on facial hair? Will you cheat on me? Is a pudgy dad belly okay with you? Are you open to LDRs? Does age matter to you? Are you open to relocation, on either end? I am. Could you handle a sarcastic master of witty banter? Could we vacation in Scotland someday? Please? Are you married? Please don't be married. Will you grow old with me? Will you STAY? If I am faithful and kind and fun and big-hearted and treat you right, will you just please stay?

I will be good to you. But stay.

See Holly Thornsby's "Will You?"