Hi. I've waited for you forever. You've waited for me too. I'll post something new now to the best of my ability but I'm in a place where words fail me. I've been alone on this island so long without talking to anybody that words don't really work anymore and I've forgotten my own voice.

Any specific details are a lie. I'm hiding out.

This world is all wrong and it's made me feel all wrong as long as I've been able to think. Nobody else experiences it the same way so I'm alone. I've always been alone. You've always been alone too.

You love music and movies and books. You revisit them over and over. You laugh alone at your own jokes but other people would maybe call it schizophrenia. You wear a lot of black because thinking about clothes is hard. You keep things neat and tidy and clean compulsively. Scary clean, even. Rip-your-life-away clean. You laugh at evil, horrendous, paralyzing things. You choke on your words and cry until it makes your face hot. You love words. You dance provocatively like a broken old robot with ancient bad code. You're on here looking for me and you'll know when you find me I'm your new favorite song forever.

That's the best I can do right now. MESSAGE ME NOW! Let's run away together. And now, my old reused post for posterity:

My posts as of late have been vague and inaccessible, clothed in shame and anonymity, clouded by despair, numb and senseless as I hit walls in this maze. I haven't had music or joy and my daydreams haven't been fanciful or feeling so much as they've been the desperate daydreams of a prisoner longing for escape and regretting every decision so far.

If I fudge any details, it's still the anonymous cloak. But smoking a bowl and having some candy and soda has enlivened me at least a little, so while words still feel halting and cumbersome maybe I can ingest some feelings into this.

I am lost here, in the US. Where I am exactly doesn't matter as much as where I'm going, somewhere new and with you. I suppose you must be desperate too. My bags are packed and I'll run away. I don't have any friends or family who can help me but I've got to escape this nightmare. It's funny: I've been trying to overcome this roadblock and put more words into one of these, but now that I feel a little better a part of me just wants to lay here and enjoy feeling better. I know however that I must reach you NOW. Save me from this and give me a home in your heart, on your couch, in your bed. I'd say your "house" if only I could write/type it in BLUE.

Interests? I love books. Gravity's Rainbow, anything by Kafka, Watership Down. Older comics, especially DC runs from the 80s-90s and classic TPBs/graphic novels. Music. Sonic Youth, NIN, The Cure, Nitzer Ebb, The Clash. Movies. Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Batman, Ed Wood, They Live, Big Trouble in Little China, Total Recall, Alien 3, Fight Club, The Killer, Censor, Hellacious Acres. Old games. Chrono Trigger, Super Mario World, Starcraft.

I used to be smart. I'm self-isolated by my beliefs and politics. At heart I've been an atheist/anarchist since before elementary school. My grievances with the world of man and my subsequent idiosyncrasies and anxieties shaped me long ago into someone that can only match with you.

I had planned on saying more and maybe I will, should I pick myself up and edit this. Just know that I have found peace for a few minutes and will be thinking of you. I really will run away to you in these coming days. I know this time you'll find me.