I feel old. 41 isn’t exactly ancient, but r4r makes me feel like I’m inches away from being put on hospice with all these 25 year olds complaining about how difficult it is to find people with whom they connect. So,e specify that they don’t want old men contacting them, and by old men, they mean 30 and up. There’s nothing I’d have in common with these girls anyway, but ouch… Just ouch.

When it comes to an online chat based relationship, I have a lot to offer. I have things that make me a good conversationalist, like truly eclectic educational credentials and a wide variety of career experiences, giving me a myriad of stories ranging from bizarre to hilarious. I’ve done work on various nuclear reactors, both research and experimental. I worked as a service engineer, making 3-4 flights a week all year round, which was utterly miserable.

I’ve stolen and smuggled “special materials” out of foreign countries while heavily armed, worried that I’d say the wrong thing and blow my cover at a checkpoint, potentially resulting in a shootout where death a better option than capture (ask if you’re curious). I’ve worked on forensic psych units with terrorists who bragged about their crimes because they believed that bombing and shooting people had earned them favor with Allah and got them a ticket to Jannah. And for something a little lighter, I’ve worked at a vintage carousel, helping people get on and off the ride, and operating the brass ring game.

I’ve given the bare minimum info about the aforementioned jobs, specifically so we have stuff to talk about if you’re curious. I like talking about work because I’m proud of a lot of the work I’ve done. I’m also deeply ashamed of some of it! Now let’s talk about a few examples of interpersonal stuff:

I have experiemce with a wide variety of relationships, ranging from the time when I said “meh, fuck it” and went for an 18 year old who had been pursuing me really hard (I think I was 30 at the time?), to that teacher who must have been well in to her fifties that I met in a bar and had an awkward one night stand with that ended up with us in the ER after she went in to diabetic ketoacidosis. It was really convenient that I was a nurse and medic; she probably would have died had I not been there to smell her breath with a glucometer in my car (she maxed it out at 600).

There was Brit, who had just separated from her husband, and had some very unique fetishes, including rope tying and being physically degraded while handcuffed. She invited me to watch her and her girlfriend get it on, which was kind of her, but very awkward. The best thing about her? sitting around for hours talking about the complexities of life, love, parenthood, god, careers, aliens, and ghosts. She went back to her husband

I feel like I should mention Ciara. I was madly in love with her, and she reciprocated. I was sick during the couple of years I knew her, and I had never met anyone who enjoyed being a caretaker before. It was a beautiful relationship, and she was understanding when I couldn’t get out of bed or go places. I kept telling her that my docs said I’d be like this forever and that she should go find someone who could be with her proper;y, but she was fine with it. She occasionally got with other guys, and I was permitted to get with other women but never did. That was my only experience with an open relationship, and it was cool. She would have not done it had I objected, which I found to be empowering.

Hmm… Ok, that should be enough to get the conversation flowing. Anybody want to talk? About literally anything? Anyone at all?