It’s almost the shortest day of the year, and that has me jonesing for cozy, cuddly makeout sessions that drift in and out of peaceful dozes and daydreams. I’m 43 and live in Bellingham, WA with my 2 teenagers. I work and mom full time (read: not the most spontaneous), and am passionate about making beautiful things, from art to photos to my biggest passion, writing (mostly memoir/nonfiction essay). If you make my heart flutter, I’ll probably write a poem about you.

I have known for a long time that I have a growth mindset - I never want to stop learning new things, knowing better, doing better, and connecting better. For various reasons, the last 2 years have been intensely eye-opening (and heart-opening) for me, four decades in, finally being able to focus on who I am, and it just keeps getting more interesting. I’m fascinated by the human capacity to create such beautiful things and terrible things all at once.

I spent more than half of my life in long-term relationships with men, and up until last year I always thought I was super straight. I had some pretty bulky neural pathways that needed re-arranging, and somehow I was finally able to work through it. I’m so excited to be able to explore relationships with amazing people regardless of gender.

I’m an empath, and I crave deep, engaging, comfortable connections that flow naturally into exploration of desires and each other. Seduce me with potential, create sparks with playful repartee, and stoke the fire with vulnerability and anticipation. I'm here for real love, but without expectations. Longevity or steps up some arbitrary relationship escalator do not dictate the strength, worthiness, or value of a connection. I've found love in one night or after years of friendship. I'm solo-poly with 3 partners, but there's room in my inbox and my heart (and bed) for more. I’ll never ask you to be anything but 100% you - I’m not interested in suppressing parts of myself, and I don’t want my partners to have to either.

I love big and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am silly and sassy, fat and sensual, wide open, and lose myself in daydreams and art projects on a regular basis. I'm a sucker for those who create - whether you're a musician, artist, chef, writer, or build engines, if you're pouring your heart into creation, I will listen to you gush about your latest idea with stars in my eyes.

There are infinite ways to connect with people, but some of the ones I’m looking for right now are folks who love texting throughout the day/week, and people nearby who are interested in physical intimacy and pleasure. I mesh best with folks who are willing to be vulnerable with me, and understand that forward movement and growth depend on learning from our mistakes, listening to the oppressed even when it's uncomfortable, then confronting difficult feelings with grace. I am less interested in cis men by the day, so if you are one please know the bar is high (I’m still holding out hope for the good ones I know are out there). I'm especially interested in exploring the magic of the world with enbys, androgynous cuties, fellow queers, and everything in between.

I have zero interest in monogamy, unsolicited pics of your genitals, anti-vaxxers, and anyone not 100% behind women’s rights, trans rights, lgbtq rights, blm… you get the idea. I am uncomfortable dating most people under 27 or so years old, and it would be immensely helpful if you are able to have company and hang out with me at your place.

Cat got your tongue? Not sure how to begin that first message? I know, it’s so stressful! So here are some ideas:

* You’ve accidentally gone through a portal and the only way to get you home is for someone to summon you. What five items should be put in the circle to bring your essence home?

* What is your favorite joke? Bonus points if it’s bad or a dad joke.

* Chili: beans or no beans?