...You hope you’re doing it right, you feel the gurgle in your stomach while you try, and the rest of the time, your ass is nervously puckered up to the point of generating intense heat. You could light a cigar off that leather cheerio. No kidding, it looks like Rocky’s right eye after his first fight with Apollo Creed. No need to provide additional descriptors, including the finish...the description is really not the point. Dating just hasn’t been as fun as I had hoped…

But I am stubborn and continue to try. Some of the interactions have been interesting:

“How tall are you?” There are so many height supremacists out there.
“I’m 5’11.”
“Oh OK, that means you are only 5’9, because men lie. Doesn’t matter anyway...I only date men over 6 feet.”
I felt bad. I felt like I had to come up with something.
“Well I’m growing as a person, does that count?”
It doesn’t apparently.

I guess looks and physical features do matter a bit. Let me start off by saying I look a lot like Tom Cruise. No, not Tom Cruise the actor. Tom Cruise the assistant pottery teacher at Creekside High school (go RiverRats!). Brown hair, blue eyes, current gym rat. I’m a pretty rough dude who has been punched a few times, and who likes his hair pulled and pulling hair. I have a nice ass but the ass won't be visible unless you can talk me out of my jeans since I don't dress like an exhibitionist gigolo. No, I won't send you a picture of either me or my ass right away. I’ll leave it at that for now.

Recently I’ve been pondering what kind of thing I want, and I’ve decided I want to try something a little different. When an airline recently announced their unlimited fly pass deal, it was hard for me to pass up, as I love to travel. I bought in. Combine that with the ability to work remotely, and I can go wherever I want at this point, domestically. So I’m opening this up to not only the area around me, but anywhere, as my dating pool is seemingly filled with sharks. I’m an adventurer and risk taker...maybe there’s someone out there that wants to give long distance a shot? It takes work, but it has it’s perks. Sharing your world around you with someone unfamiliar to it, and them doing the same...just seems appealing to me. The world is as small as you wanna make it, and things can work if you both make an effort...if it’s worth it. The free time, building that want for the next time we’re together, making the best of the time we do have, having time for independence...what’s not to like there? We can still be clingy. We can still work in extra time. I wanna give this a shot. Nothing will probably come of it, but hey, only live once, right? No need to worry about big stuff down the line...let’s try it and just enjoy the moments and if we click beyond those initial phases, we’ll worry about the big stuff later. Are you game?

I don’t have a lot of hardcore requirements as to the person I’m looking for. I’m simple. I just want a girl I can feed tacos to, and tell her she’s pretty, as the saying goes. Someone who is simple as well. Kind. Fun, and adventurous (I don’t mean jumping off a skyscraper). A girl that when she says something, she means it, whether that feeling originates from and is shared from the center of the heart, soul, or the mind...it’s real. Someone to laugh with, learn from, share with and give to. Non-confused, emotionally available, and doesn’t make habits of leading people on, lying, or hurting them. Basically, I’m looking for a fun, honest, real, mature, adult. Bonus for being completely unpetty.

Some of me as a sort of ingredients list or warning label:

First, and most importantly...I’m the parent of a young child (50% custody), so it would be preferable that you like kids. Or at least mine. She doesn’t need a mom, she’s got a great one, and we co-parent well together. No drama. Part of getting to know me is somewhere down the line, knowing my crazy child. I’m not going to hide her and while separation of the birthed and date may be OK for a while, it’s not something I want to continue long term. I expect I lose some people here...

In relation to the above, I use a lot of voice to text. How is this related you ask? Well if we level up to texting and other things, it is quite possible you will receive some weird messages at times as I switch between talking to you and my child. “Hi baby, how was your day? I miss the fuck out of you. What? You have to go poopy? Hold the line! Pucker!” I thought it best to warn you upfront.

I currently work as software designer for children's educational video games (albeit temporarily, as I am on furlough until my previous company finishes “restructuring” and takes me back). I get that that this quite possibly makes me sound like a box full of puppies. To be honest, I really don’t like video games that much. It’s kinda like how porn stars oftentimes don’t really like sex...they are just getting used by the industry for their skills. Except in my case, instead of big jugs and giant penis, think more along the lines of Carmen San Diego.

I’m a collector of experiences, not things. Things are nice, sure. But in my final moments, it’s the experiences I’ve had that will make me smile as I fade away. People, places. The sensory memory of each. Sights, smells, and sounds...the feel and taste. It’s those experiences I live for. There will be no U-Haul stuffed with things following my hearse when I kick off. In fact, to keep things cheap, the U-Haul may be my hearse. The experiences I’ve had up to this point, good and bad, and the ones I dream of that have yet to come, could fill that U-Haul hundreds of times over, if they existed physically. If you are the experiences type as well, it’s quite possible you are of my tribe...it would be nice to get to know you.

I sometimes misspeak or say things that may need clarification, or just say things that can potentially ruin a moment. I’d be nice if you can give me a little grace instead of jumping to some sort of conclusion. Years ago, I dated Nina. In the middle of frisky time, she yelled out “I want you to ride me like Columbus!” because, you know...Nina was one of the ships. I replied “Oh, I’m gonna wreck you like the Titanic...but you know Nina, Columbus was actually on the Santa Maria, not the Nina.” Completely ruined the moment somehow. Just a little grace...that’s all I ask. A little joke to show how that whole thing worked out:

Me: Knock Knock

You: Who’s there?

Me: Not Nina.

I will always 100% have your back. Sometimes in life, we find ourselves stuck in the swamps of sadness. The inertia of grieving coupled with despair leaves us overwhelmed, and sinking. I’ve been there. I’d like to think I have myself together 100% of the time...unaffected by life at times, but I’d be lying if I said I did. I’m not afraid to be vulnerable and cry with someone I care about if that need arises. And I don’t shy away at being there for another just the same. With me, if you find yourself sinking...I’m not going to stand above you, looking down, pulling at you and yelling like Atreau pulling on Artax in the Neverending Story...trying to coax you out of that sadness. I’m going to jump in that swamp with you. Stand next to you. Lift you up in any way I can (figuratively, because you are not a horse and if you were, I can’t lift you) to make sure you get out, most importantly when you are ready. And then I will follow. I will always have your back and be your support. Every single one of us lives in the gutter, though some of us pretend we don’t. And then some of us spend that time in the gutter...looking up at the stars. I’m going to remind you to keep looking up, constantly.

This has gotten a bit long, so I’ll stop for now. I’m around if you want to know more. Ask questions if you have any. No detail is too personal.

Some parting words for the interested and the non-interested alike: aside from the bored readers, we are all here for the same reason. To possibly find love. Don’t give up hope. Love comes to those who still hope, although they've been disappointed. To those who still believe, although they've been betrayed. To those who still need to love, although they've been hurt before. And to those who have the courage and faith to build trust again. Be careful. Don’t settle for less than your worth because you want love. Find someone who makes your soul and heart smile, as well as your lips - because its those smiles that make a dark day seem bright. I sincerely hope you find the one that does that. Until that time, practice by smiling today. If you find it hard, smile at the fact that someone you went to school with is still trying to become a rapper. That always seems to work, and it’ll be good practice for later on...

Dream what you want to dream...go where you want to go...be what you want to be. “May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.” And enough money to buy me candy.