Here's me reading this in case you're too drunk to read today: https://voca.ro/1ggRpTKxmiMk

So I should probably get back out there to maybe start meeting people. I've been working on some new pick-up lines for the occasion. Let me know which is best or if you have any suggestions.

"Baby, did you fall from Heaven because you sure remind me of Satan."

"I hope you know CPR because it looks like that guy over there is drowning."

"If sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged. But it's not a crime. Arson is a crime, though! So where exactly were you on the night of February 24th, lady??"

"I seem to have lost my phone number. My identity was stolen."

"Are your legs tired? Because you've been running around the last three weeks trying to evade the police. Seriously, lady, pillow factories don't just burn themselves down!"

"I'm not a photographer but I can definitely picture us together. You see my phone camera flips around so I can take a picture while pointing it at us. Plus I got long arms. And I know what you're thinking- yes, sometimes long arms are a problem when I'm suit shopping at Sears. Oh you know what- Sears actually has a portrait studio that we can go to right now! But are they open after 9pm? Let me check. Okay so there's a Sears 5.4 miles away... aaaaaaaand it's closed permanently. Alright. Nevermind. But I already got my phone out now so did you want that picture or not because I gotta get home- it's almost 9:30!"

"Do you want to come back to my place? We can talk while you rest your head on my shoulder. I'd offer you a pillow but I'm fresh out and I can't buy another one right now because the supply chain is all messed because you had to go and burn the fucking pillow factory down, lady!"

Anyway, I'm looking for someone to f**\*.

By which I mean someone to form a mental and emotional connection with. Then after that, if we weren't super far away from each other then it might be cool if we also had sex and stuff, too. And cuddles. I fucking love cuddles. I really could just go for some cuddles right now. Fuck I'm lonely.

Happy St. Patty's Day!