[TL:DR - If this was too long to read, I'm not going to apologize about it. I'm not looking for just anyone. I know what I want, and it takes time to describe that. If that's not for you, I guess it wasn't meant to be, but either way, good luck out there, friend. 😊]

Hi everyone! I've posted here before a few times. Sometimes it ends up with some fleeting connections that don't ever bloom into anything, but sometimes, I've made friendships that last for years. Ultimately, the latter type of connection is what I'm looking for, but that takes time and often involves false starts and/or missteps. I have some incredible friendships, but I'm looking for someone I can have that kind of connection with in a romantic partner.

I met someone through a previous post that seemed like it might be that, but in the end, we had practical incompatibilities that we just couldn't overcome. We're still amazing friends though and I hope that lasts for life.

(Note: I'm using some portions from an earlier post and updating to reflect changes in me/what I'm looking for and my understanding of what I'm bringing to a relationship.)

And now it's time for my cheesy metaphor: I am working on being a human version of that Japanese pottery, Kintsugi. Repaired and all the more beautiful for having been broken in the first place. I'm slowly putting myself together, a little bit at a time, with the help and support of my friends.

Life's been (and is) hard a lot, I'm 42, I've fucked up a lot of shit up to this point in my life, but I've also done some awesome stuff, and I've been working really hard for the last couple of years on turning it around. I've actually managed to turn quite a bit of it around. I've found a good job, I'm renting my own house, and my life is not a constant crisis in the ways that it's been in the past. But I'm still working on parts of it. It's kind of your typical midlife crisis, I guess, but it comes with a bit of a perk, I think: I just want to be real.

I'm not interested in any bullshit, and I'm into being open, honest, and vulnerable. I just want the same from you. I'm looking for commitment in the form of friendship if we mesh well. Whether anything turns romantic is a question for the future. That is what I'm looking for, but I'm willing to put effort into building something great. I understand that what I'm looking for is rare. I don't want a "perfect" person. I want a flawed person. A real person. I don't want to change anyone or change myself in ways that compromise who we are. I don't think that ends well for anyone. I want a person who fits with me in the ways that matter to us both. At this point, I'm more concerned with making genuine connections, less so exactly what that connection is going to look like. I'm not looking to force anything.
Right now though, I want like some company while I work on my repairs, some helping hands, a working buddy, etc. Like, I want someone who has either been through the journey, is in process also, or just really appreciates and understands. I can be a very supportive (if somewhat opinionated) friend, but your life is yours to do how you want. If you'd like to be with me while I go through my bullshit, I'll be there with you for yours.

I'm looking for true relationships that are mutually fulfilling and exciting, and I think that in order to find those, you build a lot of other kinds of friendships on the way, and they're all good. Maybe we'll find something amazing, maybe we'll fizzle out, maybe it just won't be right at all, maybe we'll be really attracted to one another,  who knows? If I sound like I'm worth a try, then give it a go - the worst that will happen is that we'll spend a few minutes of our lives typing for no tangible outcome. I don't ever want to force things to be other than what they are. I think it sucks when you do that.

Given that, here is some of what I know I have to offer and what I'm looking for:

Possibly relevant details about me: Vulnerable/open, fat, confident, anxious, accepting, outgoing, kind, sarcastic, understanding, witty, underemployed, overeducated, non-judgmental, irreverent, empathetic, I enjoy physical touch immensely, neurodivergent (ADHD), into board/video games, adorable, melancholy, sensual, hilarious, I speak (write/read) a little German, sympathetic, low-key into computers, easily distracted, uninhibited, pottery thrower, interested in personal growth, responsible, caring, flexible, 420 friendly, verbose.

Things about you that might possibly be really exciting to me: Vulnerable/open, you don't think "gym rat" is a personality trait, between 30-45, you are literally any size, you enjoy talking, genuine, from literally anywhere (although local people are the most desirable for obvious reasons), you look pretty to me (don't try and decide if I'll like you for me), altruistic, hilarious, neurodivergent (I often connect very well with others who have ADHD or are on the Autism spectrum), German-speaking, video/board game playing, you have unique physical features, fun, you're a nerd, you are nurturing and kind, and probably a bunch of other stuff.

Things about partners I have a hard time connecting with: If you don't enjoy some indoor down time - I love going out, but not all the time. If you're stupid into sports - I just don't get it, sorry.

Deal breakers: you don't know how to treat me like a human being, elitist/condescending, conservative, only looking for casual relationships, or married/you have a primary partner already.

Hopefully some of you stuck it out through this novel. I really appreciate you taking the time. I reply to all replies, but if it's evident that you and I aren't looking for the same things, I will tell you. This means that I reply to messages slowly. I like to take my time getting to know someone before I try meeting someone new. I get confused and end up not connecting with anyone if I try to have too many conversations at once. Please be patient with me. We may not talk tonight, or even this week, but we will talk. Please tell me the part of my message that made you say," this weirdo seems like MY kind of weirdo." Messages or chat are fine. I would like to eventually connect on Discord.

If it's been a while and you see this, I'm still here and would still love to hear from you, whether it's a month or a year from now. Thanks so much again for reading. I hope we'll really get each other, and I'm looking forward to seeing if we do :-)