I'm 31 and male. I'm told, pretty consistently, that I'm very likeable. On a number of occasions I've been told by people they're surprised that I'm not actually married. I have a lot of natural charisma.

Yet I find that I am for some reason or another very undesirable in a romantic sense. I'm an incredibly good friend, when I'm present. I've tried to look at it from my perspective and ask many people who see me as likeable but have no interest in me romantically, yet I can never really get a straight answer.

I suffer from chronic depression and it effects my life on a daily basis. It's very hard to balance my life appropriately and do the things I need to as a result. I suck at keeping in touch, at times am only really around when people "need" me to be as I'm too exhausted otherwise to just exist around people. I'm a pretty big introvert, groups larger than 4 people tend to be very overwhelming for me to the point that I will remove myself even if the situation is mostly enjoyable. It's very draining to me and becomes difficult for me to parse information as well as participate. I struggle mightily with being heard in a group of people. I can't manage the double-dutch of conversation and when I try to 'butt in' I typically just end up talking over someone else since they don't decide to give up what they wanted to get out and neither of us is understood. I can't think offhand of many instances where someone has ceded their 'turn' in conversation to me when we've both started speaking at roughly the same time.

I don't find myself attractive (physically or otherwise) and I struggle to assess my own self worth accurately. I have been working on it and enjoy myself and being myself more than I used to. I recognize that I really need to make my own happiness and assess what I have currently that makes me happy. I spend a lot of time walking on eggshells for fear of interrupting someone else's happiness or putting them in a situation that might make them uncomfortable. Inconveniencing someone or being 'rude' were mortal sins to me for quite a long time.

Keeping up with my hygiene and self care is just difficult. I possess an addictive personality, yet lack motivation to pursue things that genuinely interest me. It seems like the longest I can stick to something is maybe a month before it'll just fall out of my brain and disintegrate. I'm short, overweight, and black. A trifecta of terribleness that always seems to hit someone somewhere even if they don't want to admit it outloud. I'm forever older than my age which is a problem on both sides of the spectrum. Either I'm too young in actual age, or too old in my behaviors. I'm intelligent, opininated, relatively unbiased, and sometimes too blunt in serious conversation. Being unbiased makes me a GREAT source of advice and perspective, but can also make people feel betrayed when they're looking for someone to side with them and I simply give it to them straight. It can make people feel judged, critized and force them to look at things they may not be in a place to deal with. I also keep weird ass hours cause I'm a nightowl and an insomniac. I should probably be asleep right now but alas.

I could write far too much if I didn't just stop myself. So I'll quit while the quitting is good. Best of luck in your search.