I'm a 30something with the maturity of a teenager, thanks to Asperger's syndrome or high functioning autism. Sounds fancy, but I got all the disadvantages of it without any of the so-called advantages. Except maybe being good enough in written communication.

​

I have to admit that I am failing in real life. My online friends love me but they don't know how to help with real problems like learning social skills and getting a job. Nobody wants an old person who isn't tech-savvy and can't talk to people. Both professionally and relationship-wise. Sucks being born too different.

​

ASD stereotypes include being good with computers or having special talents like in math, art or music. I don't have any of those. I'm not emotionally stiff or uncaring - after all, I'm still a girl. And I've been socialized too heavily to develop any special interests for myself. Been in and out of school my whole life, just barely coping. I have no marketable enough skills to make up for the fact that I can't talk for a job interview. I can't even voice or video chat with a friend.

​

What am I looking for here? I guess I need a new perspective. Most of my friends are younger than I am and don't feel the pressure to have careers yet. I have a college degree (ironically, in Human Resources) but I am isolated because of the pandemic situation and can't find a job because of several reasons, including my condition.

Some stuff about me:
- INFP, Enneagram 4
- likes anime / manga, books, classical music, post-emo rock, Chinese history and culture (Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Journey to the West / Monkey King, and the like)
- I've been in college from 2005 to 2021, studied education and classical music before settling on Human Resources. My previous (short-lived) job also had to do with HR (filing).
- Would like to work with / for government. I have civil service certification.

[Sorry if my post is odd. I'm still new to this site.]