I suppose I fear loneliness most of all. That seems irrational though because I'm very acclimated to it. Most of my life I've felt alone and slightly less of that time I've been literally alone. No sympathy here please. I isolated so it's on me.
But the point is my biggest fear is what I know most of all. It doesn't make much sense that way. It's like a botanist afraid of plants.
I like to be surrounded by others I don't know. I miss that aspect of living in the city. People watching. Sitting on a bench or base of a statue and watching the world revolve around me like a narcissist in deep thought. Wanting to both be invisible and very much seen by someone who at that very moment has come to that particular intersection of humanity.
Funny/sad thing is that if I saw you watching the world as I did and our eyes met, I don't think I could approach you. I like to say it's because I'm a man with some physicality and you're a woman just trying to live her day in the world; so I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But the truth is I'm uncomfortable approaching a complete stranger even with the best intentions. I'm still a coward like that.
So I sit here on this virtual bench where all the world can pass by. Do you see me?
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