A lot's changed in my life the last year and a half. It's been a journey of self-discovery and growth. But that's life, isn't it? Substantial change usually isn't so compressed. Hitting bottom can do that for you, though.

I'm working on my mental and physical health. I've made substantial progress on the former in the last six months especially. I'm climbing the latter these days. Intermittent fasting, working out, lifting, enjoying a few miles walking outside each day. I got a way to go to lose the dad bod, but I'll get there. I'm done being stagnant.

Posting here on reddit has helped a lot. It's like writing to the void. I was in a bad place after my divorce. Lonely as fuck- with only regret, sadness and shame to keep me company. I met people and had real conversations on here. Met a few lovely friends. I was bad at friends while I was married; as in I had none in the end. It's easy to get tunnel vision in a relationship- especially early on when it's all peaches and gravy. Before you know it, you lose touch with old friends and have no fucking clue how to make new ones in your 30s. And I really had no fucking clue. Fortunately, the day I moved out is the day I joined reddit.

I'm working hard on my pride these days. The shit pride, not the positive one. The pride that feels like a punch in the gut each time my kids mention the new guy when they're with me. I want my ex to be happy, and I definitely want my kids to be happy. I'm glad he's a good guy and they have a lot of fun together. But fuck me it's hard knowing he sees my kids more days than me apparently. That motherfucking pride that whispers if I got run over by a truck today, my youngest would probably never really remember me. That piece of shit pride that shouts I thought we agreed the kids wouldn't get to know someone else so soon. That horrible goddamn pride that lies to me saying my role as father has been replaced. I hate that pride. Because at the end of the day I know the truth- I want my kids to have joy and make wonderful memories even if those memories have no place for me.

But I'm working on it. Just like I'm working on everything else.

Cheers to endless betterment.