You know what I like to do when I’m trying to get to sleep? Think about writing a post like this. I always think about how to phrase things so that I seem like a great catch. But then I realize that I’m a goddamn weirdo and that’s just not in the cards for me. But you know what is in the cards for me? Incoherent rambling pretending to be a comprehensive post highlighting why a fellow weirdo of the opposite sex should consider this post over dozens or hundreds of others. So, without further ado, lettuce begin.

Firstly, I’m fairly asocial. I’m comfortable being alone. I go to social events when the few people in my life insist upon it to please them, and that’s about it. Another way to put it is I’m an extroverted introvert. That being said, being alone is fine and dandy, but as I’m sure everyone can attest to: Being lonely sucks. A lot of people don’t know or truly understand the difference. The person who ends up replying to this probably does.

Politically, if I had to quantify it with the all-too-simple labels we all expect in this day and age, I’d say I’m a right-leaning libertarian.

I don’t smoke, don’t do any drugs, and don’t really drink much at all. So as long as you’re not a heavy drug user or alcoholic, it’s all good with me. I consider myself a tolerant intolerant asshole that is tolerant of other people’s intolerance so long as they are also tolerant of other people’s intolerance. I feel like too many people trick themselves into caring about meaningless things by pretending to care about said things for social credit and butt-pats.

As for games, I have a few of those. Xbox Series X, PS4, Nintendo Switch, and a PC. Mostly singleplayer stuff, or otherwise games that can be played singleplayer without too much trouble. I haven’t even touched the Switch yet because I’m one of those weirdos that prefer to re-play, re-watch, and re-read my favorites rather than start something new that might end up being a waste of time. I play a lot of RPGs, some JRPGs, city/nation/civilization builders, etc. Baldur's Gate 3. Halo. Mass Effect. Dragon Age. Final Fantasy boyband roadtrip. Space-trucker simulator Elite Dangerous. Stardew Valley. Persona 5 Royal. Fallout 3/NV/4. These days I mostly play on PC.

Music? Oldies. OSTs from games and anime and movies. Dad rock. Metal. Like five or six country songs, a handful of nightcore, and hilarious mashups that should not exist.

I have a dedicated meme folder that can explain my position on various subjects, or explain what I find funny about those subjects, or make someone with a likewise sense of humor laugh. Usually, their purpose is to get me banned for ‘spicy takes’ from places that advertise how ‘spicy take’ friendly they are. I long for the old internet. It is probably never coming back, but I prefer to treat it like it never went away until the NSA decides to throw me in a pod for the mean things I say online or for having the wrong opinions.

This post is meant to advertise to someone who longs for the same, who wants someone to laugh at idiots on the internet with, can argue about whether a hotdog is a sandwich or if cereal is a soup, etc. It’s cringe-worthy to say, but in the interest of being up-front, I believe that the ideal partner for anyone is the one you can truly be best friends with. Why date someone you don’t have that deep of a connection to? That’s weird.

A lot, and I do mean a lot of posts on here have a line in them like ‘If you do/think/believe/etc X/Y/Z, we won’t work’, which is fair to some extent. People should know what they want. But sometimes, I’ll find a post on here that seems like a good fit, but they’ll have something that is a disqualifier, and that’s that. In the interest of casting as wide of a net as possible, I try to refrain from such immediate disqualifiers. What if ‘the one’ reads my most petty and insignificant of disqualifiers and walks away because of that minor difference? That’s sad, and I hate depressing endings like that.

That being said, to get this out of the way, I need to list out a few things I am and am not looking for:

I am looking for something serious and long term.

I am not looking to ‘just chat’.

I am looking to start a family in the future.

I am not looking for a ‘childfree’ lifestyle.

I am ready, able, and willing to enter into a long term relationship.

I am not looking for someone who is not ready, able, or willing to enter into a long term relationship.

Unfortunately this list has become necessary due to the responses I’ve gotten after posting previously. Too much time and effort wasted on people who aren’t serious and/or ghosts.

Personally, it doesn’t matter where you live to me. Long distance with the intention of closing the gap doesn’t bother me any. I’m not terribly set on staying where I am. Home is wherever I make it, you know? Height/weight/etc don’t matter too much to me, either. Unless you’re three people in a trenchcoat. Then it might matter a little. That could complicate the relationship a bit. Also, if you're not from Earth, but like, Europa or something, I'd consider that okay, too. All I really want is the Tali to my Shepard anyways.

Because people have different ideas about what the ‘ideal life’ might entail, I’ll paint (rather, write out) a little picture of what I think the ideal life would be. That’s not to say it’s either that or nothing, but it’s definitely something I admire:

40 acres of land. Either in the mountains of Tennessee, Texas, or somewhere with a similarly lower cost of living. A semi-self-sufficient lifestyle. Chickens. Ducks. Self-guided, self-propelled organic lawnmowers (Goats). Livestock guardian dogs. Yearly roadtrips. A baseball team worth of kids. A loving family.

These are things I admire and would eventually like to have for myself, but not all of it is something I absolutely demand to have because reality takes precedence.

So, to cap it all off because I’m bad at ending things, I’ll say that life is just layers of subjective reality stacked on top of each other at best, and a computer simulation run by lizard people in skinsuits at worst. If you’d like someone who you can sleep with ten minutes after arguing all day about whether cereal is a soup all day long in your future, and if I sounded remotely sane and/or a good match for you, feel free to contact me on here through via Private Message, as my Chat has been broken or a long time. Afterwards we can move to Discord for a better chatting experience and voice calls and such.