after years of searching i am slowly understanding myself more and what makes me happy. loads of people are confused why i am not happy despite having a very good life and owning my own home. i think is because at this age i crave more than video games and some good food. throughout my 20s i built a good life for myself but i constantly feel like i have no backbone, which is a partner, who is different from friends, or my parents. i absolutely need to feel deeply loved, and cared for by someone in a romantic way to give me the motivation i need to keep going. i have done lots of traveling in my 20s and slowly i realized no scenery is good when i feel lonely and alone. one of my biggest fear is not being able to go to the hospital when i am old...if i even make it to that day because i am not doing too well mentally. at this point i am not sure if it is depression or loneliness that's hurting me so deeply everyday. i think according to the hierarchy of needs, even though i am way past the survival needs, due to my emotional needs not being met, i simply find it too hard to keep going and many ssris failed. i just started wellbutrin but i am not sure if this will ever removed what is written in my human dna--> the need for companionship.

my dating experience has been unfortunate to say the least. the whole point of me dating is to find quality companionship so both people can benefit and feel like there is an anchor instead of floating mindlessly. i dont think i will ever find disney love, but i do want to feel loved as a woman. i do want to feel protected by a man. however the people i ended up talking to were just....( i cant even find a word because i am speechless). one good example would be one guy asking me to give him gas for coming to see me. others were "tight financially" so couldnt meet me in person. this is beyond disappointing because i want to feel protected by a man and a protector should be able to fly to meet his woman. any excuse is beyond me because i am looking for a life partner not high school drama.

i had a great career (stopped due to my mental situation), i still own my own home and still live comfortably financially. i am ivy league educated, very good temper, soft spoken, loyal, a great cook and baker. in fact, i would like to be in a more traditional relationship where i take care of the home more while the guy provides financially because that makes me feel protected. i am looking for someone well educated, well mannered, patient, no temper problems, emotionally available, a deep understanding of what i am seeking in my post, at least financially the same standing as me in life, and is ready and capable to meet up.

for the future i imagined, i like fishing, snorkeling and seaforaging. i would like to start with these activities, and eventually travel around the world and find a place we both like to keep each other company for a long long time.

in your response please include your picture and your hobbies and why you responded to my post thanks