...I mean I already got the apartment in LA I share with absolutely no one and all my debt paid off and learned how to cook years ago I may as well already be your man.

You want me as your man at least. At least if you're done with all those dick pic sending boys y'all seem to end up dating a few times despite hating them to hell and back. I can't judge though I've always been one for a wild woman whose a bit crazy.

Went a bit over board with the crazy my last relationship though and so I hope you don't like to drink most of a bottle of vodka a day and punch me in the face when we have a disagreement. Don't do that and we can work the rest of this shit out I promise I'm chill as fuck and hate arguing unless I got a real good reason to.

I'm someone you remember so why don't we skip the small talk and you just tell me a thing or two about yourself and I'll do the same but I'll do ya a favor and give you some basics so you know who you're dealing with-

Name is Jake. Though you can call me if whatever you like my feelings aren't gonna get hurt. Men ten times more vile than anyone you know haven't gotten to me yet so you sure won't. I was raised by the wolves so to speak and knew more cuss words than the average 40 year old salore by the time I was 12. I smoke an obscene amount of weed, I love talking and I love listening to a beautiful woman tell me everything about her so why don't you go ahead and do just that and I'll match it.

I basically talk for a living so bringg on the walls of text girl that shit is hot. In fact if you don't talk much we probably won't work and I'll just overwhelm you so maybe look somewhere else I'm sorry.

I think that about sums it up.

Talk to me if you like (you will).

I mean unless you don't like tall freckled stoner boys with a radio voice, of a normal BMI (quite fit actually) and a talented set of lips (did I say too much? Maybe. I don't give a damn though if that offended you you're not who I am looking for and feel free to call me daddy while you're at it).

Anyway.

Peace.