I'm your typical millennial misanthrope, trying my best to thrive in an increasingly fraught world. I love meeting new people from the relative safety and comfort of my own home because making friends as an adult is harder than I would have bargained for.
About me. I'm sarcastic, sardonic, and morbid. My sense of humor is bleak like our future.
Costco is my religion and I self medicate my neuroses with weed and Diet Coke. I'm a huge fan of F1 and hockey, and I also enjoy watching tennis and golf. I'm also heavily into DIY/home improvement but my misguided confidence outpaces my skills. My current projects include re-vamping my backyard into a beautiful oasis of flowers, butterflies, and birds, as well as remodeling my kitchen.
I'm super close with my family, but complaining about them is my real favorite sport. I'm the Eldest Sibling ™️, so I likely won't like you if you're the middle child. Just kidding, maybe. Instead of world peace, I'd love it if people from Ohio could stop moving to my town. That's my greatest wish.
Perhaps if we could build a wall, but for real this time. Encircle Ohio and maybe Indiana. We can also expel Texas and Florida too. Might as well add Oklahoma for funsies. Speaking of political bullshit, if I were president, we'd Make America Sleep Again, by offering subsidized sleep studies to combat undetected sleep apnea and offer tax credits for more supportive mattresses. We'd have national siestas in every time zone. I'd lace our water supply with melatonin. It'd be great. Productivity would skyrocket.
Anyways, I'm looking for new frens. Apply within.
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