I think I’m a relatively decent person. I don’t smoke, I-maybe-have one cocktail a month, I’m educated, have a great job, I’m successful, I have interesting hobbies, I’m a great friend, I’m intelligent, sassy, silly, and empathetic. I’m cute short and curvy, but I can still pin you down.

So why do I always get left on read? Is it because I’m not 5’7 and 120 pounds? Is it because I’m not blonde? Is it because I prefer to really get to know people before engaging in any sort of explicit relationships?

What is it about online communication and this drive for instant gratification and the need to stand out to get someone’s attention?

And even more so, what is it about being left on read that just hurts so much? They’re a stranger. IM a stranger. There are absolutely zero expectations when you first begin to talk to someone.

But then they respond. And you get hopeful and you learn something new about this person that makes you smile a bit more. You learn why a song at the moment happens to be their favorite. You learn what their daily routines look like. You picture yourself with them, listening to their song, or how you would look with them going about their day. In them giving you information about themselves, they also take a piece of your curiosity and contentment. So then you wonder if it would just be better if they didn’t open your message. Or would it be worse thinking that they are so uninterested in you they can even bother to wonder what you wrote. And sure, life happens, it gets busy, and it would be absolutely crazy for them to just hang around waiting for your every message. But a part of you still yearns for them to want to talk to you just as much as you enjoy them.

So yeah, it hurts when you want to open yourself up in that same way and hope to god that maybe they feel a nuance of curiosity with you.

But they don’t. And they leave you on read.