'Cause there's nothing sexier than an existential crisis, ladies am I right?

Well here I am. Mental health a little shakey, identity an idea of self shakey and well let's be honest I think we're all a little lonely (shoutout to those who aren't, really wish the best for you).

I could say it's getting bad again but truth is raw and it has been bad. I've been depressed going on 14 years now and with no end in sight. But with that said I find pockets of light to keep pushing forward even when all I want to do is lay in bed and let monsters consume my soul.

Got a little dark there didn't I? Well in the guise of honesty I don't think it's entirely health to lay all this on the internet or a redditor (lord knows this website isn't the role model for mental fortitude). I've medicated for depression and have been in therapy for 3 years now. As an aside, I know a lot of people quietly whisper about being "in therapy" or "on medication" for mental health - that's nonsense. There's a stigma, especially towards men seeking to address their collective thoughts and issues - we all have issues and getting help isn't something to be shamed of. Rant aside.

My life story is long and wavy. Kind at a crossroads as we enter a new year (new me?). I've tried various forms of dating but I'm done hiding "myself". If it's dating or friendship I don't care. I just want someone who can talk with me. Acknowledge and vice versa. I feel like I have 1 person rowing a boat in a 2 person row boat. Everyone else is ahead of me and surpassing me with a full brain. But as my therapist says it might not always be this way. So I struggle, contend and I'm going to try.

How about you?

-I do have a type. I'm working on my overall fitness during depression (in between fit and dad bod?), I desire my partner/sub to be somewhat in shape or thin. Apparently, dark hair women with big lips is my type according to someone I spoke to, who knows lol.

-Bit about me. I'm pretty open as evidenced above. Dark skinned, 5'7, black hair, brown eyes, in IT for a living. Feel free just ping ideas off me to get a feel and see if there's a match. I enjoy a lot of word play, encouragement and of course seeing you. I value intellectual stimulation quite a bit, effort goes a long way. And just be chill to talk to. Currently learning guitar for fun (what a long journey). Pretty much an open book.

If any of this appeals to you feel free to hit me up. Pouring yourself out there isn't easy but to be sure you read this far please include your favourite drink in your message - or any books you've read lately!