Normally I wouldn’t say something like this but honestly, I’m tired of acting like it doesn’t bother me. I want to be heard about how I feel right now and if you don’t want to hear about it I suggest you stop reading. If you somehow keep reading, tell me why, I’m curious.

Anyway! I’m Grey, a bigger guy, never thought myself particularly attractive but don’t think I’m exactly ugly either. Want a pic? Ask. I’m a bubbly, fun, usually positive, nerdy person that enjoys games and movies, anything with a good story or anything I can enjoy spending time doing with another person.

I tend to be more honest than I should be but I also know, or usually know, when to keep my mouth shut too. I’ve tried to find people to talk to and get to know here for years now and it never works. Rarely I’ll find someone to talk to for a short period of time but the majority of the time no one seems to reply.

No matter what I say, how I say it, how much effort I put into responses; nothing changes the result. It doesn’t even seem to matter what Reddit thread I came from either. It drives me mad, that and if you’re gonna disappear after talking to someone why can’t people at least say goodbye?

I get it, I’m not very desirable, I’ve accepted that and the ever lowering chances to find someone who likes my company. I’m 32, heavyset and trying to lose weight, and disabled. That’s a usual killer too. No one seems to care what I try to do to remain useful to others, or what I aspire to do now that I can’t work. It also never seems to matter that I’m not bedridden or bound to a wheelchair, not that either of those should matter in my opinion. I know it makes a difference to others though and I still go out and do things and have fun, even if it hurts.

The point is that I don’t let it keep me down and I’ll go through hell and back and as much pain as I can handle to enjoy time doing anything I can with someone I care about. It’s infuriating that people always leave before finding any of that out or even asking about what’s wrong with me. And trust me, I’m too stubborn to let pain get in the way of getting things done. Might make things worse but if there’s no one it affects besides me, what’s it matter? Better to make myself worse and handle what I need than not get things done and have a worse life for it.

I’m also fun and positive and funny, or so I’m told. I’ll make jokes out of anything I think will make someone else laugh. Especially my pain. I don’t care that I’m hurting, I care that I’m hurting and it doesn’t benefit anyone. If I can make one person laugh/enjoy me being in pain somehow that’s soooooo much better than just suffering through it.

Yea this is more of a rant than a post looking for someone. If you’ve made it this far that thought has likely crossed your mind at least once. The idea is that if I vent and just be honest, maybe someone will appreciate that and want to know more. So here’s the rest of what I’m gonna put before ending this long post.

I’m also divorced, still hurting from it combined with the issues I’ve mentioned above. Hard not to hurt when you can’t seem to find anyone that understands you or gives you peace like you once had. I just want to feel that with someone again. I aspire to be a writer and once I get some mental roadblocks handled I hope to get a lot more done. I have 2 kids, they are with their mother because life has not been kind to me since our separation and it’s better for them to be with her.

Beyond that my brain train is crashing and I don’t know what else to add. Even at my lowest I still hold hope and belief that my company is worth looking past my issues. Don’t know how if I’m honest but I believe this is true for everyone, so I try to keep that true in my mind too. So yea, that’s it I suppose. If you got this far message me. Tell me your story. Hell if you just want to vent and be heard message me too. I like helping people as much as I can. If you need a friend I’m here. I may get quiet, cause I always feel like a bother, but I don’t abandon people. If you can reach me I’m always willing to listen and help if I can. Thanks for reading, and Goodluck to everyone. I wish you all the best.