Okay, maybe there's a little wrong with it but let's not get into that here.

I'll try to keep this intentionally vague. Going into too many details will surely get this taken off of here. These bots mean business. Calm down, R2-D2. I'll choose my words carefully.

Luckily, I am a man who can make even the most mundane subject matter seem interesting. The weather? Small talkers love the weather. Deeper, introspective souls such as myself want to scream hearing the same monotonous parotting day in, day out from the folks that litter and congregate on the sidewalk. It looks like rain because it is raining. Go inside and let me get my mail.

So I hate small talk but for the sake of putting something here I'm not too attached to in case the censors come calling, I'm gonna go with this weather we're having today.

There's a simple little three letter word beginning with h that I could use to describe it but that word could also be used to describe something happening on Cinemax late at night. Unlike a lot of people on here, I'm not trying to go straight to the saxophones.

The word warm okay? It was a very benign word that had me taken down last time.

For the remainder of this post I will appear as a stereotypical porch sitting southerner, fanning himself dramatically.

"Oh my lawd, I do declare. This glass of ice cold lemonade is the only thing that stands between me and the agonies of hell. It's 110° out here but I'll never change out of this Civil War era 10 piece suit and know the comforts of a breathable t-shirt. Did you ever see *Ben Matlock in a t-shirt? Preposterous."*

You've seen a movie with exaggerated and awful southern accents, right? We don't all sound like Dan Aykroyd in Driving Miss Daisy. Personally, I sound more like Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny. Not in dialect, there is a twang. I mean the kind of words I often choose. I would also get along extremely well with Samuel L. Jackson.

If it was funny once it'll be funny again, so let's wrap this up...

"My, my, my. I could certainly go for a mint julep right now. Never actually had myself a mint julep before but if someone appeared in front of me offering as such, well I do believe I'd give it a whirl. So if any of you ladies are done learning how to curtsy and decide to happen on by, I'll be out here on the front porch a-waitin' for ya."