hi, i'm looking for something that is a kind of peculiar i hope you'll identify with. i know that i'm not interested in playing house where i'm the man and you're the woman as if we're 5 and have to behave exactly like the christians we see on tv. (i'm having a hard time describing it and the automod word filter isn't making it easier... i'm trying to explain how it's not any of those things...)

so for example: househusband. honestly, i'd expect us both to be working jobs of a similar station. but i think it's a good example of my tendency toward role reversal. i really don't care if i'm not the breadwinner. if you bring home the bread, i'll take care of the hearth. i'll wear a frilly apron with bells on it if it makes you laugh. don't get me wrong, i can win the bread too. i have spent many years single and living on my own, so i am used to keeping my head above water, even if i'm just treading water. frankly, i think i might do anything and everything so long as your soothing voice and headpats were at the end of it all.

the transient nature of life has been difficult. people come and go. i remember seeing a drawing of lines that were to represent the way people's lives intersect. just thing about that pile of lines still makes me cry. life is hard, and the kinds of armor we must put on to survive is twisted and grotesque. all i have ever wanted is to make the space and memories that anchor me to another person. to take off my armor and lay down my sword for her. to give myself over completely to her. to question nothing of her.

here's some dull info about me: i really enjoy home diy and repair. tinkering on electronics and programming. lots of music both constantly listening and playing. not really into tv or movies, i prefer indie podcasts, sometimes anime (see referential title) and video games, like no man's sky or elder scrolls or stardew valley. i like getting outdoors for beaches, and backpacking. monogamous, never tied the knot (hope i will), no kids (hope i won't), grass and fungus friendly (no parties just vibes). 5'10, 175lbs.

in summary: i'm pretty shy and sensitive. i'll be your golden retriever. i will always defer to you. i hope you feel the same way about yourself. reach out even if it's just to tell me why i'll be alone forever.