Hi,
I've got an honest question.
"Am I enough"? It sounds like a question that belongs in "Am I the Asshole" or "Forever Alone"
But I'm neither an Incel, nor a Virgin. I know I'm not "Forever Alone"... but sometimes a string of short relationships with a long romantic slump between each relationship, can make it seem like I'm Forever Alone.

So, that's kind of where I'm at. About a year ago, I was dumped. It was a 2 year relationship. It was the longest and most serious relationship I've had, and I still have not gotten over it emotionally.
I feel like I'm at a personal existential crossroads.
I liked myself, and was content before the breakup, and before this other person came into my life... but now I'm second guessing my lovability. I'm questioning if I should just look for someone that accepts me as I am, Or if I should go against what makes my life comfortable, and livable, in order to fit the mold that my Ex would prefer that I fit into.
I'm refraining from posting this in the Breakups subreddit, because I'm not looking for someone to be my cheerleader and tell me everything's going to be okay.
I want to know, from others, that are alone, and are looking for relationships... Am I enough for anyone?, as I am? Or do I need to become someone else in order to appeal to a larger pool of individuals?

So I'm going to give a TLDR; version of my pros and cons.
Then I'll expand upon those, and you all can tell me if you think any reasonable person could love me as I am... or if I need to cave to my ex's demands in order to win her... or someone like her [because I really liked her, and want someone just like her, but I'm very resistant to the idea that it's okay to butter someone up, and then write up a list of qualities that your perfect partner would exhibit... and try to force someone to be that ideal person under threat of loneliness].

CONS:
Divorced in 2014.
Don't have kids, don't want kids, had a vasectomy to insure I don't have kids.
Don't want to live with a significant other, and do not want to get married.( )
I am 5'10 and I maintain a weight between 165lbs and 190lbs.
I do not exercise or pay much attention to my diet until I start to get closer to 200lbs.( )
I do not cook for myself.( )
I enjoy P0rn before bedtime( )
I am an insomniac that used to take prescriptions for sleep, but since legalization, I now use weed for that.( )
I live with roommates. I plan on buying a house someday, but I'm taking one of my roommates with me.( )
I am not poor, but I'm also not so wealthy that I can just throw money at any hardship that comes up without looking at my budget.( )
I have had many hobbies and interests, but as I grow older, I have less time and energy to put towards them.
I also have less interest in them.( )
I don't like watching sports or talking about them.
I do own a Gaming PC/VR and a bunch of different Consoles, but I don't play them often unless I have someone to play them with.

Pros:
I'm very Kind, Patient, and Slow to anger.
I'm very honest (but not in the "Don't like what I have to say? I'm just being honest" way that some people consider to be honest. I'm honest in the sense that I loath the act of lying, and I learned at a very young age that I'm just not good at it, so I just don't deal in dishonesty, and I don't get a long with dishonest or disingenuous people).
I'm a very chill and "go with the flow" kind of person. One positive thing my ex did acknowledge that they appreciated about me, is that I am "Like a human anti-anxiety pill". I have a calming effect on those around me.
I have a good sense of humor, that makes use of puns, is referential, spontaneous, and adaptive to those I'm around.
I am a left-leaning democratic socialist, but I'm not "too woke to take a joke".
I do not road-rage, nor drive like a maniac.
I do not hold grudges, and I am not vindictive. I always prefer to forgive, and forget... or in the most extreme cases of slight against me... I prefer to remove myself from the situation.
I also know when I am not needed nor wanted.
I have no interest in stalking or bread crumbing someone that has dumped me.
I'm not a jealous person. I don't pursue flakey, disloyal, untrustworthy people... and I'm not avoidant when it comes to confrontation... so if I'm with you, it's because you've earned my trust, and someone would have to be doing things that are pretty Sus in order to trigger my unfaithfulness Spidey Senses. [I'm not going to tell you to ditch all your guy friends... and I'm not going to get upset if you mention an Ex. I will get perturbed if I have to be constantly compared to an ex though. I wouldn't consider that jealousy... it's more like "I'm not that person, I am me, please don't bring baggage from your past, into the present"].

I'm a very cuddly person [with my partners].
My love language, in order of importance:
Physical Touch (Giving and Receiving: Cuddles, Hugs, Head Scratches, Back Rubs, Sex)
Quality Time Spent together (It's tough to engage in physical touch without Quality time)
Words of Affirmation (I miss telling my partner that she's the best, she's my favorite etc... and hearing the same in return. These are, of course, earned words of praise. I would not say them if they weren't true. It may take a long time before I am comfortable enough to say them with the satisfaction that I'm being 100% honest).

I enjoy watching movies/tv and listening to music with my partner.
I enjoy night drives to nowhere in particular.
I enjoy musical events.
I enjoy amusement parks, museums, zoos, going to the movies, grabbing a meal.
I used to make music, and I'm contemplating getting back into that.
(I do own a bunch of Synthesizers, Pedals, an Electric Guitar, and a Bass)
I ride Motorcycles.
I make silly sound fx with my mouth. I make silly voices and I do impressions.

Okay, so that' the Pros and Cons.
I didn't go into musical/movie/tv tastes... but I have a pretty eclectic DVD/CD/VHS/Vinyl Collection as well.

Let's expand upon the footnotes I had up above:

Aversion to Marriage and Co-habitation:
(I'm not afraid of commitment, nor monogamy, I just go between cycles of introversion and extroversion, and when I'm in my introverted headspace... I cannot live in the same house as my significant other, and I am of the opinion that there's no reason for two people to get married if they're not going to have kids or move in with eachother).

Living situation:
Like I said. I currently live with roommates, in a house.
One of the roommates is my best friend, and I've roomed with him before. My plan is for the two of us to take advantage of the cheap rent we currently enjoy until we've saved enough to get a place of her own.
The only reason I mention this, is that one of the things my ex wants [in addition to me not owning a dog], it to live in my own place... without roommates. I almost lost my best-friend and roommate for good when I got married [and then divorced] I finally have him as a roommate again and It's basically a deal breaker for me... if I can't let him rent a room in my new place when I buy my own house. I'm never getting married... and my Significant other isn't moving in with me... so it's none of their business who I rent rooms in my house too [as long as it's not some horny party-girl]

Fitness:
I'm no stranger to Keto, I'm no stranger to the Gym. I just don't bother with strict diet/exercise regiments unless I hit that 195lb mark and I'm looking to get back down to 165-175. (my ex would prefer I goto the gym regularly, because I'm an investment, and she's convinced I'm going to die if I'm not as strict about my health as she is).

Aversion to Cooking:
I am not opposed to the thought of following recipes in order to prepare a romantic meal for myself and my partner... but the bottom line is, that I am not a food person, and it's no ones business what/how I eat when my partner isn't there to enjoy the fruits of my kitchen. If I could take a pill that would quell my hunger & provide all the necessary nutrients to support my health, my sleep pattern, and my mental acuity... I would totally opt for that pill.
My ex is convinced that all adults should be cooking most of their meals at home, because it saves money, and is healthier. I call bullshit on this. Cooking for one, is not as economical as cooking for 2 or more people. I also work a job with a 45-60 minute commute each way... and when I get to the office... I'm usually dispatched all over the city. It's impractical for me to prepare meals to bring to work cold. I might not be anywhere near the work fridge when hunger strikes (and when Hunger strikes, I need to eat... immediately, because I get headaches and become faint... due to a combination of Long-Covid, Chronic Fatigue, and weariness from my struggles with insomnia). If I cooked all my own food and went to the GYM as often as she would prefer. I'd be losing an hour to the GYM each weekday, and an hour in meal prep [most likely while I'm hungry to the point of headache and brainfog]... and an hour and 1/2 to my commute. I need those two hours a day for rest and relaxation, and if I ever hope to get back into music/sound production... I'm going to want those two hours.

Weed:
I wouldn't say I'm a daily weed user, but I am a nightly weed user. I don't identify as a hippy/stoner, nor do I resonate with the stoner lifestyle. For me, it's medicine and I treat it as such. I do not use it recreationally. I only use it at bedtime).

P0rn Consumption:
This has been a major sticking point in every relationship I've had.
My previous partner was the 1st person I've been with that didn't initially judge me based on my p0rn consumption.
In fact, she was a consumer of it as well, and we would sometimes watch it together, and trade our favorite videos and NSFW memes. It was really nice to be able to share those kinds of things with a partner.
I never hid my p0rn use from previous partners... but it was a situation where I mentioned it at the start... they weren't into it... I didn't mention it again... and then several months into the relationship my partners would always get restless and start looking for things about me that they could pick apart and dismantle and once they had nothing else to criticize me about... they would come for the p0rn. In some cases I would Quit consuming, and things would go on a bit longer until the relationship naturally ran its course... and in other cases I would Quit consuming... and my partner would constantly shame me and accuse me of consuming it when I had not... (and then they would run away with someone else... and expose themselves as a total hypocrite like my Ex-wife did).

In my most recent relationship, everything was amazing for 2 years. No shaming, No judgement, mutual enjoyment of eachother's company. We shared everything with each other including kinks and p0rn and movies, and music and hope and dreams.
I moved 2.5 hours away from friends and family to live closer to her because it was a long-distance relationship.
Then she leaves for a summer internship and when she comes back... she dumps me.
She asks for "No contact" so the two of us can emotionally move-on without breadcrumbing eachother.
I'm not a desperate stalker, so I obliged.
4 months pass, and I no longer want to live in that City away from my friends and family.
I break "no contact" when I see her at the Gym, because I want her to know that I'm leaving town for good... and if the thought of running into me in public has ever given her pause about leaving the house and hanging out around town... she no longer needs to worry because I won't be living in that city any more.
This breach of "no contact" ends in a weekend fling between the two of us... and then I proceed with my plans to move back.
It's when I arrive back in my home town that I get the email from her with all the bulletpoints that she wants in a perfect mate.
She basically insinuates that as long as I continue working towards becoming this hypothetical person that she wants... we can see eachother once a month. but...
As I'm struggling to give up porn, and develop an exercise routine, and get back into hobbies, and start reading books, and consider cooking for myself... her friendly txt chats and phone calls become less about enjoying the conversation, and less about having movie/TV show watchparties on the internet... and more about her interrogating me about "What did you do today to improve yourself... what are you doing in your everyday life that indicates you're serious about continuous growth?"
And I really started to resent this lifestyle that she wants me to live as a pre-requisite to someday being able to call her my Girlfriend again. Eventually she told me "I'm sick of playing Barb the Builder with you" and my response is "I'm not broken, I never asked you to fix me. Do a cost-benefit analysis of our relationship... if I don't bring you Joy anymore... or if that Joy is outweighed by this obsession with molding me into your Fantasy man... then maybe we should actually go our separate ways."
And that's what we did.
I haven't talked to her since January...
And then... a few weeks ago I get drunken texts from her.
She still misses me. She still thinks about me just as much as I think about her.
She drunkenly says several times "I wish you would just give up porn so we can be together"... And part of me has been so lonely, for so many months... that I'm honestly considering Quitting p0rn... and then breaking no contact to ask "Remember when you drunkenly said you wanted to buy a house near me, in Phoenix... and move... and you wished I would "just Quit Porn so we could be together???" Is that all it will take to get you back?... or Am I going to have to tick off all the other boxes on your "Ideal man" checklist?

It's been 9 days without porn at this point. I'm trying to see if it's really true that the urge to view p0rn goes away after 3 weeks.
But part of me wonders if I should just try my best to emotionally move-on... and find someone that's not an over-achiever, and accepts me as I am. I like being a chill person. I like being a calming influence. I hate taking life so seriously.
I don't want to be like her. But I do want to be with her... or with someone that treats me the way she used to before she got it in her head that I'm a broken person that needs to be fixed.

What do I do?
Am I an unlovable unambitious p0rn addicted loser who is undeserving of love until I fix myself?...
Or am I okay the way I am, and I should just move-on and hold-out for someone that appreciates me just the way I am?
Do you know anyone that could love someone like me, as I am now?