No matter who I'm with or what I'm doing, I have this constant nagging reminder that I'm ultimately alone, no matter what I do. I'm partnered and have been for quite some time. Sure, he's not the greatest partner; everyone has things they could improve, but I feel completely and gut-wrenchingly alone when he's next to me. I used to think that I just hadn't found the right person or that he didn't love me. As time went on, I realized I'm the problem. I've seen many therapists and taken a long list of medications, but nothing has ever eased these feelings in the slightest, including not so great things. I'm fairly neurotic so anything mind altering, legal, or not has never really agreed with me. Everything from antidepressants, alcohol, more illicit things, all the way to more dynamic therapies.
Surely there has to be another who feels this way, right? I mean, there's music and movies that kind of portray this emotion, at very least capture what it feels like. I guess it's why I always gravitate towards anything that's sad in this regard. I assume if they feel maybe somewhat this way, I just not be so alone.
I guess I'm looking for someone who has felt this way too? Idk.
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