I'm going to be like George in that one episode of Seinfeld where he goes against every instinct he has ever had in his life. Dating apps and r4r posts are supposed to be about putting that best image of yourself out there. I'll hit you with the negatives, eyebrow-raisers, and red flags that will make you do a Homer Simpson retreating into the hedges gif irl. You'll be able to call yourself bullet-dodgers. Why will they call you bullet-dodgers? Because you dodge bullets, Avi.

• I have a limited social life by choice. I'm a very gregarious guy at work and with most people but would prefer to stay at home and read or play flight simulator.

• I'm prematurely grey. Someone at work said it looks good but who wants the hair of a 55 year old at this age?

• I hardly ever exercise and have flab on my body. My biggest workouts are brisk daily walks.

• I don't have fascinating hobbies and certainly have dumb interests but I just can't take anyone serious who is into comic books or Disney as an adult. Grow up.

• I don't think a person having a degree or two makes them "educated." I have met many narrow-minded folks with limited intellect who are lawyers, doctors, and executives. I'm one of them.

• People obsessed with pets are weird. Maybe if you treated another human being as nice as you did your pet we all wouldn't be such pricks to each other.

• I can count on one hand the number of women I've had sexual relationships with and no the hand itself was not one of them.

• I'm nomadic thanks to work and by nature and I am always seeking new opportunities and yet I would also like to settle down and have a family. Cognitive dissonance afflicted S.O.B. that I am.

• Sarcasm comes easy to me. This, contrary to what a place like Reddit would have you believe, is not a good thing.

So, let me explain. No, there is too much so let me sum up: If you want to get to know an introverted, small-minded, and sarcastic fat old man with boring hobbies who doesn't deify pets, has limited sexual experience, inconsistent thoughts, and is into tall women send me a message. If at the very least I gave you something amusing to read on this sub instead of the usual pap I'll be happy.

It's possible I might have positive traits but you'll never know will you? There is one good thing in this post. A complete jag like me is undoubtedly single so you won't have to worry about me revealing my complicated relationship status at a later date.