To hydrate full-time.

Maybe this could be an icebreaker for you? Two truths and a lie. Can you guess the lie from these 3 statements?

• I speak 4 languages • I once trespassed a government facility in France • I know horse riding 🏇🏻

I'm looking for a connection to banter and crack excellent jokes with. Bantz are important, so please only message if you can banter like hell. I won't entertain a one line opener. If you send me a message and I don't respond, it's either because you've told me nothing about yourself and just a, "Hi, wanna chat?" or because you've sent me walls of copypasta text that tells me you haven't even read my post. The third reason could be alien abduction.

Is anyone else furious about Nutfleex's new policy? Forget about sharing it with others, you can't even access it yourself if you're travelling, unless you request for temporary access, which lasts a week. That having said, I'd love some recs for new shows. Thriller / comedy are my favourite genres. The IT Crowd', 'The Office', 'Flowers', 'Derry Girls', 'Kingdom', and 'Crash Landing on You' are some of my favourite shows.

Please:

• Be in the age range of 28-40.
• Send a photo or two of yourself so I know I'm not talking to a tree. I have a profile picture if you want to cheggit. I won't reply to messages without a photo. 🥴
• Be comfortable sending voice notes / calls. Texting all the time is about as fun as getting stuck in the elevator with Helen from the 1st floor.
• Know how to hold a conversation (I can't keep responding to 'Sup' or 'Got milk?' beyond a certain point!).
• Write a witty paragraph of a decent length about yourself including your age, location and your favourite breakfast? Again, won't respond to just a line saying, "Hi! I'm 33 and love Red Bull. Wanna chat?".
• Be single (We don't need to be romantic, but I'm not comfortable talking to people in relationships).
• Dislike pineapple on pizza with a fervour (don't come at me).
• Send a chat request since I've disabled PMs.

Let's talk already! See ya later, alligator.