I didn’t know where else to post this, but it’s heavy on my mind right now. Maybe it can help serve as a deterrent for people thinking about trying Tianeptine.

So I ended up trying Tianeptine (Tianaa) about two years ago shortly after moving to Alabama. I had been sober for a year before then. I spiraled from there. Within months, I was ordering sodium online. 5-6gpd.

I moved up here with my dad. I’m 27 and he’s 78. He’s always been pretty healthy for his age. We hadn’t lived together since I was little, so this was supposed to be about us supporting each other and enjoying our time together.

I quickly went broke, stayed broke and became sick off and on due to withdrawal. I went through this cycle for 1.5 years. During that time, my dads health suddenly went on the decline. We found out that he had liver failure and that he was pretty far into it. I didn’t quite understand his symptoms which included lots of confusion and disorientation. So with all that I had going on, I often lashed out in anger, or just didn’t feel like doing anything.

A few months ago, he began to end up in the hospital over and over again. During this time, I finally got sober. Free from the demon called Tianeptine. But then I eventually had to put him in a nursing home. I recently discovered that he was doing good enough to come home as long as he has a nurse around every day. But then a couple days ago, right before he was going to come home, he ended up in the hospital again. Blood clot in the liver. He’ll soon be back in the nursing home. Now we don’t know if he can come home.

And now the point of my long story. I was finally about to be able to make everything up to him. We were going to go places and do things and make the most of his time left. But now I likely won’t be able to. I spent all of our precious time together either high or sick, angry and broke. The pain and regret I feel is heavy on my heart. I’ll never get that time back with him. I’ll forever look back and regret that I chose to be a selfish addict instead of a good son. Im the only family he has around anymore.

I know that he would probably tell me not to feel this way. He would say that he enjoyed the time and that nothing was wrong. He never knew what was going on with me. And I have no one that I can tell this to. So I decided to post it here. I apologize for how long it is. If you read until the end, thank you.

Hug your parent’s necks if you can. Be good to them if your relationship is at a point to where you can do so. Go to that dinner with them. Or even just go to Walmart with them. Don’t waste any time. It goes so fast.

That is all. Thank you.