This post has been de-listed
It is no longer included in search results and normal feeds (front page, hot posts, subreddit posts, etc). It remains visible only via the author's post history.
Hello wonderful people, and happy Mother's Day to all you mothers!
I kind of have a complicated family tree, so bear with me.
I (31 cis-ish female bisexual) have a 13 year old, straight cis son. My stepchild (11, afab) is a genderqueer pansexual, and my partner of 10 years (31 amab trans lesbian) is recently out to all of us. My son's biological father that he is super close with is also an openly bisexual man, who has had male partners in the past.
My son has known I identify as bisexual for a long time. First reasonable opportunity I had, I told him, because I think knowledge of LGBTQ people is important. Over the years we've had plenty of discussions about it, and with my partner's recent disclosure about being transgender, my stepchild discovering/exploring their gender identity, and my son entering puberty, those discussions have become more common.
My son is sure he's straight and cis, and I have no reason to doubt him. But it kind of has put him in a position where he is 'different' in some way than the rest of us. I think I'm probably overthinking it, but should I give him reassurance that he's totally fine and normal?
Also, I feel like he and my stepchild are now in a position where they may have to 'explain' us, and our family dynamic. How do I prepare them for that?
I think our family is super special and amazing. But I can't deny that things have recently changed for all of us. They may encounter people in their life who have 'opinions' about us now. I want to help them deal with that, especially, or even like, a worst case scenario (violence, hate speech). Any resources on how to prepare kids, or talk to them about this stuff would be amazing. I would say my kids are advanced intermediates on the subject and very mature. We have no taboos in that regard and believe in giving frank information on every topic.
Any other further advice and anecdotes would be amazing too. Tell me about your rainbow family! I love stories. Any special challenges you've found?
Much love to all <3
Subreddit
Post Details
- Posted
- 2 years ago
- Reddit URL
- View post on reddit.com
- External URL
- reddit.com/r/Queerfamili...
I'm flattered you have asked, and am pleased to say that I do have an update of note.
My spouse and I are still the same, but my stepkid is leaning towards transmasculine and both they and my spouse are seeing a psychologist for gender dysphoria and in my spouse's case, about to pursue HRT and the process of medical transition in general.
My son, uh, definitely doesn't identify as straight any more. A year ago this month he told me he was bisexual. We talked about it and I realized that I had made some mistakes just in spotlighting his sexual orientation at a young age, even though I thought I was just teasing him in a good-natured way.
The four of us are finally all living in the same city (and we were scattered thousands of miles apart for many years) for the last 10 months and for the most part, we're thriving and happy. The interesting dynamics of having an LGBTQ family are always pleasant for me to note, but for the most part, we're pretty 'normal' and what one would ideally want while having a blended family, with some bumps in the road and growing pains. Mainly, I feel like my spouse is kind of an amateur at parenting her child (I parent as well, I have no problem with assisting, but I strongly believe it will be harmful to my SK's relationship with my spouse if I'm doing/caring more for them than my spouse is) whereas I'm really good at it and it comes very naturally at this point.
While I still feel some level of fear for our safety in public and there's the awkwardness and lack of transparency when talking about my family that is especially painful in the workplace, we're living in a pretty laid back, VERY left wing city with lots of trans people living here. My SK in particular goes to a school that's well known for having a very prominent population of LGBTQ students and faculty, which I feel would cause an absolute uproar this day and age in most cities, but absolutely no one I know has a problem with it here. There's more resources here for LGBTQ people than average, although they are frustratingly hard to access through the public healthcare system alone.
Overall, I feel very excited about our future here, and I'm so proud of my family. I think I always kind of wanted a family like ours, to have that extra layer in common with each other, but it's not something one can aspire to, you know? I feel lucky to have them all, and our fortunes in life, and to support each other through uncertain times, and to be part of another one of life's fascinating twists.