I'm in my 20s and in a relationship. It has gotten to the point where, in an unspoken and unplanned way, over many instances of us having sex, my penis has been less and less emphasised. I don't penetrate her very much at all anymore.

I'm reflecting about how I got to this point and why it turns me on so much.

My earliest relationship, my first serious girlfriend, is the root cause, I think. She was afraid her religious parents would find out if we ever actually had intercourse, and so for me, still a virgin, I accepted that no penetrative sex would be had, although with a lot of consternation. It was all I could think about and I really, really wanted to have sex. But I loved her, I was devoted, and delved into years of sex where it meant that I would give her oral sex while she would use a vibrator on her clit. The vibrations were necessary for her to cum and they made my lips numb from the sensation for so long while I was hard but relegated to licking, kissing, sucking.

She wasn't heartless and offered oral sex but I wasn't, and never have been, able to stay hard from it. So it was one sided oral worship of the pussy I wanted to have on such a primal deep level, but could never penetrate. My orgasms were post hers, I kissed her feet and masturbated while kneeling. It was how sex was introduced for me and I grew to heavily eroticise the denial of penetration.

Down the track I did eventually get to penetrate her and we lost our virginity together. But it was an awkward, uncomfortable and overall not great experience. Understandably this further solidified my fetishization for denial of penetrative sex.

Perhaps not as understandable is that despite subsequent partners letting me have penetrative sex, and me loving it, craving it even more, I never have been able to get over how erotic it is for me to be erect, hard, wanting to push into my partner's pussy and get to thrust and buck hips, only to be told "no" and to be told I don't get to do that.

There's a lot of intermediate relationships and sexual development for me between the first girlfriend I had and my current. Pussyfree was never directly raised in my current relationship, but as I said, penetration has become less and less a part of my sex life now to the point of expecting to be denied each and every time.

Oral worship with fingering is the main sexual act, and it is heighten by my girlfriend butterfly-ing her legs out, pressing her soles together and aligning this with my hard cock while I'm working hard licking and sucking her pussy. She encourages me to thrust against her feet, which I do every time, and more often than not finish in this way, depending on if I cum first; her with a foot in my face while i kneel and masturbate otherwise if I hold out and she cums first.

Sex for me is still having a face full of the pussy I crave penetrating, having every sense, taste, touch, scent, smell, filled with primal sexual desire. Sex for me is loving being denied pussy penetration.