I will try to keep this somewhat reasonable in length, while also trying to provide some background.

Married 12 years, unofficially pussyfree for close to 5 of those. I think to be accurate we have had sex once since 2019. I am cool with this arrangement because I have never been able to make her cum from PIV sex and it is a load off my shoulders not to try, plus it plays into other kinks that I have.

Conversations about sex with my wife have never been easy. I am not entirely sure why, so we haven’t really discussed. It’s apparently somewhat mutually accepted. The last time we did have sex, of course I under performed, and came quickly. She on the other had, expressed discomfort, which had been communicated before, about sex post pregnancy. At that time it was maybe 16 or so months after her being pregnant and post pregnancy, she had mentioned discomfort during sex the handful of times we had tried.

Fast forward, I am approaching a milestone birthday next month and have sort of wanted, as a gift to myself, broach the topic of rekindling physical activities as I miss the intimacy, but also tell her that I want to keep it as me focusing on her and not worrying about me cumming. My initial request would be as simple as that. Expressing the missed intimacy, but also being clear on my desire not to cum from any of our sexual activities.

I don’t plan on mentioning chastity, even though I am open to that as we have tried to incorporate it in the past, nor asking or talking about cuckolding, even though that would be a huge fantasy of mine to actually realize.

Any thoughts, especially from any wives/gfs, on if this is a good idea and suggestions in how to go about it?

One additional note: we have rever rarely been on the same page sexually. I have always preferred more adventurous activities and she has always been more vanilla. She has tried some things but never fully embraced much, which is a major reason for why I want to keep my request as basic as possible.