In 5th grade I made the most amazing discovery of my life. I found my dad’s stash of Playboy and Penthouse magazines. OMG!!! After figuring out how to cleverly sneak them out of & back into the house, I rapidly became the most popular guy in my group of friends. I was a stud!!! I’m sure the number of gooey socks finding their way into the laundry went way up that year!

4 years later I made another awesome discovery. In a bottom desk drawer at my dad’s office, I found something even better than Penthouse. I found a pile of Hustler magazines. I also discovered that I had a very small penis compared to the guys in those magazines. Oh sure, with gym class and basketball locker rooms, I knew there were guys who were a little bigger, but a bunch of 7th & 8th graders walking around limp doesn’t really tell the whole story.

For the very first time in my life, I had physical evidence that not only am I not a shower, I’m also definitely not a grower either. After that revelation, I was always much less comfortable in the locker room.

Looking back on that today, I realize another subtle change in my mentality. When masturbating to the Playboy and Penthouse girls, I always mentally pictured myself with them. But suddenly, with the “oh my god, I have a little dick” realization my jerkoff fantasies became about watching the hot girl getting her brains fucked loose by the hung stud. I was never physically involved, but rather a spectator.

Nearly 40 years later, I’m still never part of the actual sex in my fantasies. If I’m involved, it is as a target of humiliation or punishment.

And I’m very much ok with that!