I know this sub is all about mushrooms, lsd, dmt and other psychedelic substances. In fact, I think this sub is more psychedelic substances and less about people exploring consciousness. For this reason, I'd like share what I have discovered while exploring consciousness. If posts like these do not belong in this sub, please point me to the community where such ideas are shared. I truly crave this type of mental simulation and I feel like I have no one to share it with.

By the way, if you like to get high and go down the rabbit hole, buckle up.

The Needle

I am a logical person. I have honed my problem solving and deductive reasoning skills over the course of 25 years. It's my job and I continue to use my mind to contribute to the technology we all use.

In this quest for logic, I have beaten my emotions down.

I call it the cycle of frustration. If you attempt to solve a problem, frankly, you're going to fail. In this situation, your emotions will come in to play and you will want to quit. For some reason, I don't quit. I dig in my heals and I try again. I fail. I'm frustrated. I try again. I fail. I'm frustrated. I try again...

The cycle of frustration, diminishes the capacity for emotion and enhances the capacity for logic. Some place in our being there is a needle on a dashboard. It can be pegged to the emotional. It can also be pegged towards the logical side. It can be any place in between.

When we are using our minds and the needle is burred in the logical side, we're riding the train of thought. It's a string of ideas that lead to new ideas.

While under the influence, I've noticed times when I am riding this train. Then, some emotional event occurs: a noise, a sensation. Under the influence where my capacity for emotion is enhanced, my train derails. As the emotions rise and the needle tips from the logical side the to emotional side, my capacity for language based thought disintegrates. My ability to makes a memory is gone. The train vanishes and certain amount of information that was queued up but not yet written is gone.

I've noticed, in my sober consciousness, that there are people in the world that live with the needle burred in the emotional side. If they concentrate, they can tip the needle into the logical side long enough to make a thought or two but then some emotional event occurs and the needle drops back to the emotional side. Hence, deep, logical thinking is hard for these people. Also, because their capacity for emotion is high, when they encounter the frustration associated with problem solving, they quit easily. Hence, they do not hone those skills.

Life is full of problems. How do these people manage? Well, they are aware of their feelings and they are aware of your feelings. Hence, if they can make you feel good about them, you will be more inclined to like them and do the things they ask. Hence, they build a network of relationships until they find a logical person willing to help.

The logical person is always the result of emotional childhood trauma. Being neglected by their parents; emotional abuse; physical abuse - these things lead to a phycology where the individual wishes to escape his or her emotions. These people learn from an early age that escaping to the mind numbs the emotions that don't want to deal with. This creates a deep longing inside the logical person. They seek approval, the at-a-boy pat on head received after helping someone.

Hence, this needle creates polarized people that tend to latch on to one another. The emotional isn't functional in this world. The logical isn't functional in this world. Yet, if they bond into a couple, they compliment each other and function as a team.

This realization lead to a weird discovery for me: other people have feelings. I've spent 4 decades forgetting that I had feelings. In the process, I forgot that other people had feelings too. I admit that I was pretty negative before this realization. I caused a lot of negative feelings in other people. In fact, I had come to a point where I thought that's how you bonded with other people. If you could find something you could both complain about, then you had something in common. I wondered why I didn't have any friends.

That was 4-5 years ago. I've learn a lot of things under the influence that have enriched my life. I take every opportunity to bring people happiness. I'm doing it for their approval. I just know those people can receive and appreciate positive feelings. Hence, it's an easy gift to give.

I have also come to learn that art, music, theater, movies and television are pretty much lost on me. I focus on the words and miss the orchestration of emotion. These forms of media can take you on an emotional ride; that is where a skilled artist really shines. I don't get to experience any of that. It is kind of a bummer. At the same time, however, I need accept my role. I am an engineer bee. I contribute to the construction of human reality. Honestly, that's pretty cool in itself. There is a trade off and I just need to accept that.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my ramblings. Again, let me know if this belongs somewhere else. I don't see content like this here in this sub.