Since I was about 8 or 9 years old I have had a lingering existential dread. There have been two or three times in my life where I let it consume me which plunged me into a deep, deep depression that lasted about a week. Sometimes I feel it lingering in my head (especially when in bed about to fall asleep) and it seems like my psyche won't allow me to truly "enjoy" anything as internally know that nothing matters in the long run (even though it is impossible to truly know). I am so, so, so tired of this.

I've never taken LSD or mushrooms and have only smoked marijuana before. I am very into Ram Dass (and his associated circle), Catholicism, Buddhist ideologies, etc. and I so, so, so want all of this to be something ingrained in my life to the point where I can stave off this existential dread, but it is always there.

Do any of you have any experience with this? If so, could you please elaborate and touch on it? I'd love to know your journey and to know if whether or not this could be an avenue of where to venture next.