TW mentions of abuse and SA

BACKGROUND CONTEXT-

I’m 16F I was abused physically, (punched in the skull, spine, strangled etc.) emotionally, and verbally all my life by my mom. The physical abuse stopped at around 14 1/2. I was raped at 15 by my bf. then when I was 14 I got addicted to weed and nicotine. had 2 bad trips (panic attacks and depersonalization that lasted hours) 1 was bc I smoked way too much in a short time and then got triggered by something bc of my PTSD, 2nd was probably bc I was in a bad environment and my body remembered my last bad high. I quit both weed and nic, then started getting some anxiety, and exactly a month later after my 1st bad trip I experienced a panic attack while running. that’s when everything changed, I’d constantly be dizzy and walking on what felt like clouds, depersonalization was through the roof, and a plethora of panic attacks, etc. This went on for a long time and I was scared of ever getting high. I later made myself uncomfortable on purpose and I overcame it.

CONCLUSION-

Basically I have severe C-PTSD bc of everything and I’m seeking to heal myself and also expand my consciousness, I’m very into spirituality. For these reasons I’m interested in micro-dosing and wanted to know how to start and IF i should. Also I was invited by my family member to do a healing shroom trip where we both consume. (I feel so at peace with him and it’s like we’re spiritually connected) I want to do it so bad but I definitely shouldn’t do a full dose right now, maybe just microdosing.

and I’m constantly being called to take them.

I’m also trying to get into therapy but it’s unknown as to what they’ll do when i tell them about my situation/past. they might have to contact the state or CPS. (which is why I still haven’t gotten professional help.)

QUESTIONS-

1. could microdosing help me?? if so how should I start?
2. anything i need to know that’s important?
3. what scale should I get?
4. what’s the lowest dose I can/should start with?