TW mentions of abuse and SA

BACKGROUND CONTEXT-

I’m 16F I was abused physically (severely beaten), emotionally, verbally all my life by my mom. The physical abuse stopped at around 14 1/2. Then I was raped at 15 by my bf. When I was 14 I got addicted to weed and nicotine. I had 2 bad trips (panic attacks and depersonalization that lasted hours) 1 was bc I was smoked way too much in a short time and then got triggered by something bc of my PTSD, 2nd was probably bc I was in a bad environment and my body probably remembered my last bad high. I was still smoking until the 2nd bad trip which was when I quit both weed and nic. Then I started getting some anxiety, and exactly a month later after my 1st bad trip I experienced a panic attack while running at school for gym. That’s when everything changed, I’d constantly be dizzy and walking on what felt like clouds, depersonalization was through the roof, and a plethora of panic attacks, etc. This went on for a long time and I was scared of ever getting high. I later made myself uncomfortable on purpose to get over it and it slowly worked. And I overcame it.

CONCLUSION-

Basically I have severe PTSD about everything and I’m seeking to heal myself and also expand my consciousness, I’m very into spirituality. For these reasons I’m interested in micro-dosing and wanted to know how to start and IF i should. Also I was invited by my family member to do a healing shroom trip where we both consume. (I feel so at peace with him and it’s like we’re spiritually connected) I want to do it so bad but i’m afraid of having a bad trip and never touching psychedelics again. They are such an amazing tool and I would love to use them responsibly. I know bad trips are the ones you learn from the most, but you could also get traumatized.

I’m constantly being called to take them. It’s on my mind often.

QUESTIONS-

1. Should I micro-dose and how do I start?
2. Should I trip with my family member, if so how much should I take that would decrease my chance of a bad trip.
3. Anything i should do before I start taking shrooms?