Did 90mg 4-ho-met and 120mg 4-ho-mipt, wanted to enjoy some youtube but it was too intense and I ended up just pondering my spiritual problems, I realized that it is a very bad thing to not experience happiness. Realized that my soul was at its limits and I was in fact experiencing infinite dimensions, but that my evil was creating dead states. Thought about what it could be to be in a worse spiritual state, to be turned into stone or the dark emptiness of space which I assume many of the infinite souls of existence already exist as in dead states. Thought about what it meant to be a soul developing spiritually, and that it is probably possible to spiritually assassinate a soul.

I realized that every dimension is existing simultaneously, and I am just a key that dominates and exists above certain dimensions which allows me to form my existence. I felt a fear of powerful (not evil or sentient) cancerous dimensions that are constantly trying to manifest like the pressure of the ocean constantly trying to crush a submarine. Gave me a deep inflection of my evil, and how I am allowing these unsavory dimensions exist, how every time I forsake goodness, it becomes harder and harder to heal, since the fundamental forces of existence see you as the boy who cried wolf. I felt damned, I felt like I was God, that everyone is God, and that the universe really does have the power to bring a God to their knees and make them experience infinite pain and beg for mercy, which made me understood I should stop acting so high and mighty, cold and emotionless, and admit that the universe has power over me and can defeat me and that I should just accept emotions into my heart, and stop acting like a king who will close his heart and refuse to feel emotion just because his reality is less than perfect. Like, even if your were the legitimately the toughest and most stoic being in existence, that if you are evil, you create a dimension above, that you create a dark God twice as omnipotent as yourself that can break you.

Realized my human body was a very weird fleshy tube noodle sausage, and it's the goodness of the soul that let's you view your reality in a positive or neutral way. Thought about how my soul works, and that other souls are also partial pieces of my own soul, felt like all my appendages represented a tree of life, your family, and the people who are meant to be a part of you.