Yes, 15mg, it's been long since the last one

This will be rectal

I am doing a first nasal spray micro-dose, it helps me to determine I want to go deeper, and yes I want some full dissolution of current structure of the mind. I need to reconstruct myself completely.

I was trying to contemplate what needs I am deficient as a human being

A lovely chimpanzee

Being Gen Z 24 young male, quite failed life just like typical gen z'ers except that I play with 5-MeO-DMT and not so depressed because of it.

I could identify my needs "I wanna play video games ;'(" ->

"What is the meta-desire of that?" -> "I want to be active and thrive" -> "That seems to be a masculine desire, what do you really want existentially?" -> "I wanna fuck e-Girls ;'(" -> "Well, once that is achieved, I would feel empty and would seek for transcendence"

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whitetahoocookie

• my butthole is open

20 mg rectal

I am surprised that I am still hyper analytical which is hyper neuroticism and immense solidified ego that never dissolves

While I appreciate myself being so egoistic but I really also desire liberation from my own ego xD which means also I have the desire to go higher

Ironic.

Unlike my previous ego so scared of going on 5meodmt again, I've handled it extremely smooth, in real time also dissolving but still ironically highly functional.

I am still in the middle of 5-MeO-DMT

My ego has the place to be simply because of how uncertain the world and chaotic environment I must navigate.

Though it's exhausting as well to be with myself ;"(

It is a serious dualistic tension between desire to survive and exist in this world

And letting it all go and completely vanish, and rest (you can psychologically die but psychically you do not have to die) Better die mentally, than physically, recycle your ego.

It was personally for me, not the typical letting go and full surrender experience, but having done 70 times, it was more like, "control, control, control"