Over the weekend I had the opportunity to go on an incredible journey that was both life rattling and affirming. I joined a Yagé ceremony for one reason completely different than the one I entered it for and for the first time in my life I reckoned with my trauma and wound up loving myself more than I ever had — which was not at all. I hated being alive and had done everything in my power to end it.

I had struggled with suicidal behavior and attempts since I was a teenager grappling with the effects of trauma that not only lingered but would remain locked in my body affecting my every move I made well into adulthood. Until I was part of a small ceremony where I was surrounded by others who, like me, were being held back by the cages they had confined themselves in. I was liberated and I thank Taita, I thank Yagé.

Yet, this experience also left me a little upset. My origins are in Latin America and it’s not that I believe people from the Western world shouldn’t access this medicine, far from that. It’s that I am seeing Westerners tap into this process while people who are closer to the medicine are skipped from its benefits strictly because they lack the funding to access it. This demand isn’t going to go away and I was beyond blessed that I did not have to pay for this experience outside of my travel arrangements, but even that was a little costly, though of course the benefit far outweighed the cost. The problem here is that as the demand increases, those who need it the most will be denied its therapeutic benefit for the sake of those who can afford to do it once, twice, or eleven times. And it’s not like the planet has the capacity to distribute 8 billion cups of Yagé to every single human being in the world, especially as deforestation devours the lungs of our planet — the Amazon.

Furthermore, this medicina is not for everyone. If you are taking this medicine strictly for “tripping” purposes don’t do it. You are harming yourself, you are harming the community it stems from, you are harming those who need it. Stay away from Yagé if your only intention is to connect and not heal, if your only intention is to expand your mind and not address an ailment. Stay away from Yagé if you have a family history of psychotic disorders that would otherwise be exacerbated by psychoactive substances. Stay away from Yagé if it is not for you.

When you go to the doctor you go because you are on the brink of death not because you want to have an “experience.” You do this with a bona fide Taita/Shaman, not by yourself in the comfort of your own room by yourself. Not even at a $6,000 weekend retreat in Costa Rica unless you are paying this much because you are able to and know fully well that this benefit will extend beyond you and help someone else who has less financial imprint.

Don’t just do Yagé because you can, do it because without it your life would be lost. Ayahuasca saves lives.