Hi all. Never tried psychedelics. But I feel like I’m in a huge rut. I heard somewhere that they may help for DEPRESSION. Sometimes on my days off I literally can’t get out of bed. I just want to lay there and sleep or doom scroll. Thank god for the gym. It seems to be my only light at the moment.

I’m having such a hard time even doing small tasks. I do work about 35 hours a week “part time” and in the process of raising capital for a start up, “on my free time”. I think I spend about 10-20 hours a week on this. A lot of meeting which I don’t mind at all honestly. I quite enjoy talking about this project.

One of the cofounders died 2 years ago and he was in charge of financing the project. We are getting close of bringing another cofounder and raising capital as well so I’m somewhat hopeful. I think I got over the death of the other cofounder but I was extremely close with him. Closer than anybody else in my life honestly. After he passed away I would catch my self just straight up crying while driving for the first year. I mean it would happen very often. I was extremely depressed… Now it doesn’t happen anymore but I’m struggling in finding the reason to just go on living. I find the idea of death as a release. And I know this is so wrong to think about but idk what to do.

I feel really guilty sometimes because I think I have a pretty decent life, but DEATH just seems so sweet and it’s fucking with my head. Idk man maybe I’ve just got a screw loose or something.

Backstory… I’m a decent looking guy, 6 years married. Beautiful wife and she’s the most supportive person I’ve ever met, literally with any crazy idea that comes to me. She’s really affectionate, sex is AMAZING, and her sex drive is honestly higher then mine and I love it but we are long distance right now as with the raise and in the process of finding a tenant for our home in UTAH. I’m in Utah currently. She’s in NY with her parents because she got a good job with the bank and I’m not bringing in the cash that I once did. She comes visits at least once a month. I think I’m getting close to finding a solution for a tenant. Most of the start up work I can do from anywhere until the funding is secured then I’ll have to be in NY.

I tried Edibles of CBD and I got the best sleep of my life, but they do make me foggy the next day. I also get racing thoughts a bit but I just calm it all down and enjoy their effect. Idk if this is normal.

Thinking about doing a micro dose of an edible mushroom. Legit stuff from a business. None of those unregulated stuff. Scares the shit out of me but my intuition says I should do a micro dose. Idk what are your thoughts. Also what setting should I do it in. I’m afraid to go on a hike cause I’m pretty much alone right now. I’ve got no friends, just some online friends from a game I play with.

I tried therapy i think it helped me discover poetry, which I’ve been writing. My wife seems to love them so I do write one up when inspiration hits. But therapy felt like it was an absolute waste of time honestly, and I think it made things worst in every way.

I know my life isn’t as relatable and I’m not trying to sound like a douche but I’m really considering some micro dosing edible mushrooms. I want to know if it has helped you with your depression. I need some ideas for a positive setting. Did you come out happier? And more hopeful? Do you feel like light came back? Any thoughts are extremely appreciated.