Just a week ago my wife asked me if I wanted to trip and I told her I might never do it again. Not that I’ve had bad experiences, I’ve only had one bad trip and even that was only a short panic attack. (Which it horrible- but nothing like hours of horror.)

So I told her I might never do it again, but literally a few days go by and I feel that really strong pull. I can suddenly remember what it’s like to be in that world. Not just remember, but remember. Like I can feel the feeling, stuff I can’t describe in words. Like my god, it’s incredible. I can remember and feel with perfect lucidity what it’s like to exist there for a while. And feeling that again- it just gives me this feeling that I could NEVER explain. That feeling that is described not by words, but by the absence of words.

That feeling that creeps in and hits me like a brick, as if something just clicked in my brain and allowed me to remember- keeps coming back to me. And funny enough, today I’ve had my HPPD come back. And I haven’t noticed it in maybe a year.

I feel like there’s something to this man.

I am terrified of a bad trip though. I’m prone to panic attacks, even though my trips usually go well, go I just don’t know if I’m ready. It’s been a year since I tripped on shrooms, and 3 years since LSD.

I just know some day I’m gonna go back. I feel like it’s too damn important not to.