Morning friends. I’m just here to share my experience last night. Warning some of it may be a bit touchy. But I don’t know how to feel about this experience.

So I took 2 tabs late last night. And all was well was playing some video games with some friends and was just vibing. Got off the game about 2 hours after dropping since I could no longer really keep focus. And decided to take half of a “double stack” x tablet and put on some Netflix for the subtle background noise and mainly scrolled on tiktok for a couple more hours. After what I think was about an hour and a half or so of dropping X I felt like just looking for inner peace and do some meditation.

I remember earlier in the day reading a post about frequencies to help mediation so figured hell why not. Tried a 528Hz I found on YouTube music and wasn’t feeling it. And found a 963 Hz audio on YouTube music and was enjoying. I then decided to turn off all lights in my bedroom while laying in my bed with noise canceling earbuds in. As I laid there I fell into an almost paralyzed state listening to these audios. And that’s when I knew I was in for a ride. I lied there in pure darkness with nothing but my thoughts trying to learn more about myself. And as I lied there I got locked on the thought of suicide..

I laid in the paralyzed state and then only thing I could think of how I would be better off gone. I lied in fear still unable to move, unable to speak. And the thoughts grew stronger and stronger. And I mentally and spiritually came to an acceptance that it was okay if I did it. And after I came to that acceptance about 30 minuets of lying in this paralyzed state of body I finally was freed. I instantly took my earbuds out and started reaching out for help. At this time it was 2:30 am and no one was answering. Scared that I may actually try something stupid knowing I had a nearly full script of morphine right next to me.

Scared because my fears of being better of gone since I couldn’t get in contact with anyone I came on this sub Reddit and started to make a post. Titled “HELP ME PLEASE” tears in my eyes as I start to write for a call of help not thinking of contacting emergency services. As I was writting my post which I would’ve just been asking for someone kind enough to talk to about it. I wrote out my suicide note. Realizing this I started balling. And freaking out. And I closed my eyes and had some out rages out connections. And when I opened them I felt nearly sober. I haven’t gone to sleep and probably won’t.

After all of this I’m here writing this. In a dazed state and I feel like this trip I got a ton of answers but now I want even more answers. And I don’t know how to feel. Thanks for reading this long post if you did. Comments are welcome but please don’t be a cock 🖤