As the title says, I'm curious as to what this really is. This past Saturday I took a handful of shrooms. Not sure how much, but I wanted to experience something great and teaching. As soon as the affects started kicking in, I felt almost scared. When it fully kicked in, I was definitely scared. This isn't my first time doing these either, and it wasn't a whole lot more than what I've done previously. About maybe an hour into the trip it hit REALLY hard. Started to have flashbacks of all the people I've been asshole to. I'm not an asshole, but there are definitely certain people who I'm just not very nice to. This seemed to play over and over in my head until I finally accepted that I would be nice to them.

From there, I could feel my ego. I don't know how to describe this. I was just acutely aware of stuff that was "important" but actually insignificant. It's very hard to describe what I felt there. But then it was like I was in this hole. And at the top of the whole there were "people" or figures that were working on me. And it wasn't very pleasant. It was actually kind of hurting me. These figures kept telling me that I don't need this. Like pulling stuff from my body saying you don't need this. Some of it felt safe but alot of it felt like it was violently being taken from me. The stuff that was being removed felt like it shouldn't be there anyway, but it just didn't feel peaceful at all. Then, they all left. There was another figure that came. It kept asking me if I was ready, but I wasn't sure what it was talking about. Suddenly it felt like my "ego" was being carved out of my very being. I say "ego" because I don't know what else it could be. It just felt like I was being removed from myself. It was absolutely terrifying. Easily the Scariest experience I've ever had in my life, hands down. I seriously felt like I was going to die. I remember thoughts that I was going to go brain dead. Like my body would be here but my essence would be gone. My daughter flashed into my mind. Then other loved ones. I felt so scared that I would never see her again. I started bawling (most of this trip I was crying begging for help or to be taught) but this was waves of tears and raw emotions and fear. Then it felt like life was barely there. Like I was about to die. I finally accepted it...like OK this is it. I'm ready for whatever is going to happen. I said out loud I know that I'm safe and I won't be dying today. And then it was all over. Not the trip, but the carving of me. The fear and everything was gone. But I definitely did not cross over into where it felt like I was going. And this did not drastically change me. This whole trip has taught me just to be nice to everyone, even the ones who are not kind to me. It gave me a much deeper respect and love for my daughter, which I thought was already pure love. I slowly came down after this. And tbh I was more confused than I've ever been. Like what was about to happen? Where was I going to go? I definitely don't want to die and that scared me. I just have questions that I want answered I guess. Questions I haven't ever had. The past few trips I've had have been life saving, seriously live saving. I've always felt so much better after coming down. Very free and active. Again, I don't feel bad. I feel very good actually. But I am also very confused.

People experienced in this stuff, what is your take on my experience? I am totally open to any ideas and willing / wanting to learn.