Issues: C-PTSD from CSA (family caregiver), intrusive thoughts, negative self view, lack of identity etc.

Tried previously: 14 Ketamine IV infusions with no real success. Therapy weekly over last 10 months: ERP, ACT, EMDR, written exposure therapy. Prior experience with therapy over the years.

Prep: Secure trusted sitter, nice set & setting in a comfortable home, set intentions, talk to therapist, friends, wife. Read Psychedelic Explorer's Guide etc. No alcohol last few months.

Trips: A week ago I had a good friend act as a sitter. Took 1.86g 🍋 tek PE fruit, waited and hour and then 0.75g Hawaii’n Thai PE (in gummy form) as I felt too present and guarded.

Experience: Music and face mask, moved into light and darker room environments. Sometimes took off mask and music. Talked with friend at a certain point. Laid down. Experienced a lot of emotions, but wasn't too tough vs some of what I've experienced in therapy.

After: I feel much more present, far nicer to myself. I haven't quite cultivated self love but don't hate myself the same way. I understand what I've experienced and how that can affect people. I wasn't cured overnight but my quality of life is measurably better. I still feel a ton of shame and intrusive thoughts continue but it's easier to not let them spiral. I feel far fewer and far less severe somatic effects of the intrusive thoughts. Everything feels less threatening.

Integration: 1. Therapy sessions 2. Yoga with extra focus on Nidra 3. Daily revisiting of notes during session 4. A form of daily check in, questionnaire, light notation, 5. noticing what triggers me.

Proposed Plan: approx 3 weeks from first trip, trip again with supervision at a resort hotel.

Questions: 1. Is this too soon? 2. My last dose was 2.6g, but PE is often said to be quite a bit stronger, so could have been around 4g equivalent. I know this affects everyone directly but I didn't experience ego dissolution as I did on Ketamine. How should I dose for this trip? 3. I want to continue my same intention as last time with a focus more on self love, compassion, and presence. Is it okay to have the same intension? 4. Anything else I might be missing?