I'm a pending first time user, and will be partaking later this month via a tea brew. I have a spotter ready to go who's experienced and I trust, and I have a safe location in which I'll be partaking. I plan to do three doses (small, medium, and to be determined), and plan to follow all safety protocols.

My question is this: will I be able to have a conversation with the spirit of the psilocybin? My intention is to resolve, to and for my own personal satisfaction, whether or not I have agency in this life. Pretty much every unresolved question and deep-seated pain I have as an adult middle-aged man comes down to this question. I'm not looking for a universal truth, I'm looking for *my* truth, because I still don't know it. I'm ambivalent in the classical sense regarding the answer, and I cannot under my own power find a satisfying answer. It's my hope that I can talk to the spirit of the psilocybin, if it does indeed exist, and find the path forward to that answer.